Watch Ye Therefore, and Pray Always

General Conference already passed about almost 2 months ago, and my mind is just so occupied with so many daily chores and tasks. For the past few Saturdays morning, I had listened to the General Conference talks when I was mopping the floor.

I yet to have a piece of mind to sit down, read the talks one by one. I thought about making my own reading schedule, about 2 talks a week so that I still can make it before the next General Conference on April 2021.

‘Watch Ye Therefore, and Pray Always’

by President M. Russell Ballard

I felt inspired start by reading this talk today and indeed I think I really need this at this moment. Firstly, set a goal to pray morning and night with purpose has been an unfulfilled goal annually. Secondly, I think it is time for me to really take action and responsible for the goal that I had set for years…

I have the urge of reading this talk because of the things that happened to me recently. Negative thoughts keep on comes into my mind every time when I think of relationship between me and Alvin. Sometimes I just have a thought of,

“I think it is enough for both of us! It is useless and whatever I tried also cannot bring his heart and mind back to me. So pathetic!”

“Lord, I think I am the weakest daughter of yours among all. I still unable to comprehend the lessons that Thou wants me to learn in this relationship. I really indeed can love a man for my whole eternity life, should I just walk away from this and go experience whoever that can love me whole heartedly? I think I would be much more happy.”

My heart was sinking to the bottom of the sea when Alvin mentioned that he will be going outstation due to job purpose more often now. And tomorrow he will need to go Muadzam Shah and might stay a night or two at Kuantan as well.

Only God would know if he is telling the truth, but my instinct tell me that he is not. As I was taking my bath in the evening, I could not help but thinking of my personal challenges and feel so hopeless at that instance.

Something about the General Conference talk ‘Watch Ye Therefore, and Pray Always’ by President M. Russell Ballard had brought to my mind. Something caught my ears and eyes when I was listening and reading the talk:

“Sincerely praying for those who may be considered our enemies demonstrates our belief that God can change our hearts and the hearts of others. Such prayers should strengthen our resolve to make whatever changes are necessary in our own lives, families, and communities.”

“The scriptures are full of examples of people of faith who combined prayer with action to make a difference in their own lives and in the lives of others…”

President Ballard taught a few examples of the prophets in the Book of Mormon that had made a difference. Suddenly a thought came into my mind – how Prophet Alma had prayed to the Lord concerning his rebellious child, Alma the Younger, resulted the visit of the angel upon his son. In Mosiah 27:14, it reads

“14 And again, the angel said: Behold, the Lord hath heard the prayers of his people, and also the prayers of his servant, Alma, who is thy father; for he has prayed with much faith concerning thee that thou mightiest be brought to the knowledge of the truth; therefore, for this purpose have I come to convince thee of the power and the authority of God, that the prayers of his servants might be answered according to their faith.”

A thought that is very clear that came into my mind that, I should not have lose faith in Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

I know that the path ahead between me and Alvin might continue to grow more challenging in the coming days. One thing that for sure is the Lord is with me. President Ballard said,

“… I assure each one of you that the Lord knows you, that He is aware of your concern and anguish, and that He loves you – intimately, personally, deeply, and forever.”

“Praying for justice, peace, the poor, and the sick is often not enough. After we kneel in prayer, we need to get up from our knees and do what we can to help – to help both ourselves and others.”

“Brothers and sister, I urge you to redouble your commitment to prayer. I urge you to pray in your closets, in your daily walk, in your home, in your wards, and always in your hearts.”

“Prayer can change our own lives. Motivated by sincere prayer, we can improve and help others to do the same.”

I have not even yet exercise my faith and kneel in my own prayer, seeking His counsel in everything that I do, listening to His answers, learning to hear Him, and acting on the promptings that I receive.

I have not yet try my best in doing all those things, and what qualify me to just give up on this? But how? Pray to Him more often, and seeking His directions or approval on the things that I plan and decide to do.

I could not stop my tears at that moment. I talked to myself, “I think I have just feel the Spirit and this is what He tells me that I supposed to do next – keep on trying to become a better version of me.”