Everything is Well…

It has been almost a week I have the home-schooling session with Issac now, and I can see some results. It is good that to see Issac started to have more confidence to himself.

There is still some challenges for us, because at the same time we have to cope with his current Primary 2 syllabus as well.

Alvin called today. He told me that he had been employed by DB&B, and he is so happy. I congratulated him, and told him that, may be this is a good thing for him either for his career wise or personal wise.

Currently, he is working with Brother Andrew and sometimes I think it is normal that arguments or disagreement would occurred between both of them.

If both of the siblings do not work in the same office, may be their relationship would be better after all.

The company he would join is located at Jalan Gurney Kuala Lumpur, and it is a Bumi company. He can start work any time.

It is a good thing that he told me about this, at least…

Tonight he did not come back either… I really have to let go of him and from my life.

Learning Issac…

Last night at around 11.00pm, he came back. His fingers got hurt and bleeding. I do not know why.

It was the time when both children were sleeping. He did not say a thing, just went to bed.

I am now drinking the red wine that once both of us bought together. I called him just now, he was in the Karaoke session with his sub-contractors friends.

He told me, he is very happy today. Then, no more words from him. He is not coming back tonight.

These few days, I can sensed that he is starting to distance himself from us, and slowly detach himself from our life. Is this a good thing? Probably would be good for both of us and the children too?

I had started to review and study together with Issac these few days.

I bought a few Primary 1 and Primary 2 workbooks, so that we can do the extra workbooks together, at least can catch up his studies in school.

Last year I do not had any energy and mind at all after Alvin and I had divorced.

So, now I have to ‘heal’ my son and myself… we can walk out from this… yes, I know we can.

Start A New…

I had been crying in the office for the whole morning, it was due to Issac’s studies in the school. For the past 1 year, our divorce had been affected him badly, especially in his study.

Issac is lack of confidence of little boy. Due to Alvin and I, it had been affected him negatively – physically and psychologically.

I know that, I am the one whom affect him directly, because he can feel my emotional and disappointments. This will influenced him in some of the ways.

It is up to me, that how should I mould him and growing up in the unhappy environments or in a happy and healthy environments?

For this year, I should focus on the followings:

1. I must be happy! Because if I am happy, my children would be happy too!
2. I must be self-discipline! I have to make a change to my own self, and change my old bad habits, because I set an example to my children.
3. I want to grow up together with Issac and Annabelle! I would walk down the path, no matter how difficult and hard the road ahead me! Study with them together everyday, spend some time with them.
4. I want to set a goal – buy a bigger house than what we stay now! Let both children to know this goal and we can achieve it together.
5. Start doing my Prudential insurance and achieve 60,000TPC.

I really do not want to think other matters anymore. Today is so blue.

I do not know why I have to go through this with Alvin again and again, after our divorce this whole year?

May be God wants me to walk the same path again, to learn something which I did not learn or unlearn again earlier on, in order to become a more “perfect” me?

Sleepless Night

I am puzzled about what had happened last night. May be this is the reason why I went to the fortune teller at Jalan Ipoh this morning.

I was thinking of want to ask for advice about the relationship between Alvin and I, what would happened to us this year? and of coarse at the same time, get to know the forecast of this year?

The sad thing  is sometimes God doesn’t give you what you think you want… I have been waiting at the small waiting area at the first floor for nearly 2 hours, still not yet my turn to meet the fortune teller.

I have no choice but have to leave the place, as I have to go to Clearwater Residence for the coordination job. Just like that! I had been running up and down, rushing here and there, but end up did not manage to clear my doubts and questions in my mind and heart.

I was so depressed the whole night. After the kids were soundly sleeping in their beds, I walked out to the living room and sat down alone. Crying…and crying…felt so helpless…and upset…disappointed…

I do not understand, why until till now I would still shed my tears because of him? It is going to be 1 year since the day he asked for divorce and separation.

He had been made it clear to me that, we would not have any chance to being together again. Why? Still I am the one whom cannot let go?

I have to learn to let go of you! Even though you are everything to me!

A Routine Sunday

Today Daddy Alvin have gone out very early in the morning, he went to Kuala Terengganu to attend his colleague’s wedding. Brother Andrew attended too with his whole family.

Daddy Alvin sent his travel photo together with his colleague in van through Whats App to us.

This morning, after doing the household chores, I was driving to the nearest Mc Donald’s at Taipan USJ for our breakfast.

Both of them really being good kids and obedient, they played at the playground all by themselves and both really took care of each other.

We went to the Guardian Pharmacy to buy some groceries then only came back to home. I took the photos of both in the car on our way home.

At night, three of us went to the Popular Bookstore at Summit USJ Mall. I bought some Primary 1 workbooks for Issac’s home revision.

I saw some cute cow and milk stickers, the cow remind me of Alvin as he is born in the year of Ox in our Lunar Calendar of Zodiac. It was almost 9.00pm when we reached home.

Daddy was back after both Issac and Annabelle were going to bed. His mood must be not so good, because I can see from his face, he must be still thinking of Nicole…

He took a bath and then went into the next small room to make phone call, he was in the room for quite some time, nearly an hour if I am not mistaken.

My heart was pain and feel so not ease at all. As he said, there is no more love towards me… All these can be seen ever since we came back from Kuching…

I do feel sad and heartache… Why every time he comes back, he would take something from me… Just like the same feeling when I feel that during at Harvey Norman time, asking me to use my credit facilities on his newly bought furniture for his new house…

A ‘Him’ Dairy…

After sending off both Issac and Annabelle for their art class at Jane Yap Atelier, I was hanging around at Citta Mall.

While waiting for them, I went to the Times Bookstores and have a look. Accidentally, I found something interest me – a colourful spiral bound note book. It have a beautiful cover with black colour base.

I still remember I did buy some note books just like this for Issac and Annabelle at Popular Bookstores sometime ago. Now both of them using it as their sketch book.

Suddenly I have a thought: that I want to use it to write down all my feelings and thoughts about Alvin. I feel a little bit strange for myself having that kind of feelings…

Both of us have been officially divorced, and I am no longer his wife, but still why I still have this kind of thoughts towards him? As he had told and mentioned to me so many times already, that he no longer have any love or feeling towards me…

I feel sad, really sad and upset to myself, but may be, may be by writing down all those things, matters or emotions which I feel about him, it may help me to let go of him…

I really do not know what is there install in front of me in the future? Anyhow, I will have to go through it, as my life still go on, hopefully there is a rainbow at the end of the corner of the sky…

His heart is no longer belong to me…

I was pretty indecisive between 2 designs of the note book and finally decide to chose a black cover with a little bit of colour on it.

I guess it is more suitable to describe our relationship like the book cover -  may be we can be better friends instead of husband and wife. A more comfortable way for us to get along as we watch both our children grow up…

Floorphase Projects Chinese New Year 19 Feb 2013

Today is our company Floorphase Projects 1st day of coming back to work after the long Chinese New Year Holidays. We all waited for both Yeap and Jessie came in and opened the door.

It was Joey’s idea that we should have a group photos of our company. All of the other women are really women, which I can hardly follow, because they are so women!

Hopefully this is a good year ahead for the company!!! Huat ar!!!

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Final Full Stop!

Finally, today is the day that he packed up his clothing and walked off from home. In the morning he attended the morning service to the Setapak Lutheran Church which is a Catholic Church.

He was so angry and asked me, “Why did you go and tell our home stories to the nearby salon hair stylish? even the smallest details things also she know about it?”

I did not expect he went to the salon for a hair cut, and then the hair stylist had told him everything. The woman is not trustable! And I would never to go that salon any more.

He told me that he do not want to give me false hope, it is because both of us cannot be together again anymore. He told me off that, it shown to the other people that I am that type of person when I am the one go and tell to other persons about our own family matters.

I was so pissed off, and told him straight to the face that, “ You want me to treat you how? When you were with Joe, do you ever think that I am your wife? When you would only think of me? When you need me that time? For money? For my credit card? Or what? For using my name to loan something? I know it everything? Ever since your name have been cleared out from the bankcruptcy, you just want to kick me aside? How you want to treat me now? Or how I supposed to treat you after all the things you have done to me?”

He said, “Did I ever make your name blacklisted? Whoever tell these things to you?”

Eventually because of both Issac and Annabelle were here, we stopped our arguements there. He just packed his stuffs and left the home. Before he left, he told me that, he would wants to bring both children going back to Kuching for Chinese New Year. I just told him that, I will bring kids back to Kuching and because Mama also old age already.

Finally, today just officially put a full stop to our trial periods of 2 months!