Judge Not…

I was studying 3 Nephi Chapter 14 today. It talks about Jesus Christ taught the Nephites about judging others and instructed them to seek blessings from Heavenly Father through prayer.

Who am I to judge another,

When I walk imperfectly?

In the quiet heart is hidden

Sorrow that the eye can’t see

Who am I to judge another?

Lord, I would follow thee.

My heart was touched. I was reflecting on myself: who am I to judge him, especially he is the one I love most in this world? He might be not perfect, and I am imperfect either, I do have a lot of weaknesses especially for as a wife and as a mother.

May be I just merely pass in all the callings I have. It is just happened that his weaknesses unfortunately is may be serious than mine. I am a daughter of God and he is a son of God too. Man do have his pride. I am not in his shoes to judge him, as I do not know and would not understand the challenges and temptations he has been through during we were not by his side.

During I found out that something is suspicious, I was devastated. The first message that Sister Saffron sent to me was something related to this I guess. It was the recent October General Conference talk by Elder Robert C. Gay of the Presidency of the Seventy – “Take upon Ourselves the Name of Jesus Christ”.

The first thing that came into my mind was, “What? Why this message? Is this the right message for me at this moment? Seriously? Right now?” I was ignorant to read the talk, and kept on harboured on my sadness alone. That night, I opened the Gospel Library App and started to listen the talk as I knew that there must be a reason why the message was sent to me at this time.

How does God see? Elder Robert C. Gay addressed it with what had Brigham Young taught:

“I wish to urge upon the Saints... to understand men and women as they are, and not understand them as you are.”

“How often it is said – ‘Such a person has done wrong, and he cannot be a Saint.”... We hear some swear and lie... [or] break the Sabbath... Do not judge such persons, for you do not know the design of the Lord concerning them. ...[Rather,] bear with them.”

I was struck. Was the Spirit asked me to see him as He sees? Savior would not letting anyone of our burdens go unnoticed by Him, this including me and him as well. May be he was struggling with his own weaknesses, but just every time may be he gives in to temptations.

Elder Robert C. Gay said,

“God will work wonders among us as we sanctify ourselves. We sanctify ourselves by purifying our hearts. We purify our hearts as we hear Him, repent of our sins, become converted, and love as He loves. The Savior asked us, “For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye?”

“...Jesus did this so that each of us may always understand that His love is greater than ou fears, our wounds, our addictions, our doubts, our temptations, our sins, our broken families, our depression and anxieties, our chronic illness, our poverty, our abuse, our despair, and our loneliness. He wants all to know there is nothing and no one He is unable to heal and deliver to enduring joy.”

Finally Elder Gay taught that, we must trust Him.

“His grace is sufficient... The message of the woman at the well is that He knows our life situations and that we can always walk with Him no matter where we stand. To her and to each of us, He says, “Whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but [shall have] a well of water springing up into everlasting life.”

Now I think back, I had the almost similar message a year ago when I encountered the same challenge. I felt the Lord was talking to me when I heard the talk by Elder Dale G. Renlund “A Good Shepherd”.

Sometimes, I would wonder how the Spirit works? I am in the midst of my pain and sorrow, and such message seems to be unhealed to me.

I do not know, but one thing I know is only the Lord knows what is best for me. May be He wants me to be a little bit more compassionate and kindness, and that was the qualities I want to increase in my life.

I might understand may be later that, this is how the Lord works on me – small steps at a time. Sometimes those steps are painful, and sometimes they are halting. But those are the small steps that can lead me closer to Him.

Before Sleep

We went to Kuala Lumpur District Conference today, and after we came back to home. It is another Sabbath as usual at home.

Both kids when want to sleep…

Bringing Hope

I felt so stunned when I opened this video notification from the YouTube Mormon Channel. I seldom watch the YouTube when it come from Mormon Channel as I have a thought like as it is for the investigators. But anyhow I am grateful as I had watched it.

Ben Taylor tells of how he listened to his heart and turned the efforts of a presumed scam artist into a chance to help a whole village. “Hello sir my name is Joel I want 4 us to get into some business, if u can get some used Laptop, Computers, Printers, P.A. Sets and other Electronic Devices so dey can b sold faster.”

Ben Taylor heard about these internet scams before and felt he needed to teach the scammer a lesson. So, when he messaged back, little did he know he’d set off a chain of events that would empower an entire village. “Joel I’d like to talk with you about a different business opportunity…if you’re interested.”

Ben lied that he worked in the photography business and collected pictures from around the world. He asked Joel to take some photographs from his part of the world. Joel told him he needed a new camera to take pictures. Would you send someone you’ve never met a camera? Neither would Ben. “Joel, any camera will do, even the camera on your phone.”

“BING!” Joel’s first pictures came through and they were terrible! Maybe Joel really did need a better camera. So, Ben invested in a camera and some basic photography textbooks and shipped them to Joel. As Ben sent the package off to Liberia, he thought it would be the end of their communication, “This guy’s going to sell that camera and make some money and I’ll be out money.”

“BING!” a message from Joel came in a few weeks later. Bing, Bing. More messages with better and better images. Joel took that cheap camera, read the books and began taking really good photographs!

As Joel became a better photographer, Ben made good on his offer and compiled the images of village life in Liberia. Pretty soon Ben had enough good images to publish Joel’s book of photographs. When Ben took to social media and shared the story of their unlikely friendship, they inspired thousands of people, and made $1,000.

Ben and Joel planned to split the money from the book sales. But when Ben learned that $500 was the average earning per year in Liberia, he couldn’t, in good conscience, take his cut. “Give it to a charity or someone in need”, Ben was uncertain whether Joel would really give it to charity or pocket it for himself.

“Bing!” a message from Joel with picture after picture of school children holding new book bags and notebooks. Joel had supplied five local schools with much needed supplies.

Joel told Ben the opportunity to be charitable was one of the best things to come out of their friendship. Ben thought he was going to teach this internet scammer a lesson. But instead he learned the lesson. When you give someone a chance, sometimes they might let you down, or they might just surprise you.

I love the most what Ben was shared in the end of his story telling about this amazing journey of his:

“I think this story shows how prayers works. What Joel really wants and want he earnestly pray for was money. And instead what he got was a cheap camera, but with that camera he was able to inspire hope in million of people and changing his family life.

Sometimes I think instead of giving what you want, God will give you a cheap camera and He will expect you to figure out the rest. And then the journey it all take, will make all the difference.

God will answer prayers but sometimes He would need you to be that answer, my message today is that you should be that answer.

On days when I can’t find God and it seems like He doesn’t hear me and care about me in what is going on in my life, I return to situation a year ago when I know that He thought enough of me to send me a request for help. So take a chance on people, you will find something in your own life that you don’t even know what is missing.”

Instead of struggling what dwell in my own sadness, pains and keep on wondering why this thing happened to me, I should just focus the things that I can do. It is the same message that I feel as the Lord wants me to know.

Clara knows that she herself was her own answer to the path ahead of her in The Nutcracker and the Four Realms as I watched last Saturday. This is the same message that I get from this YouTube video. The Lord repeatedly telling me that I am His daughter. I am the answer of my path ahead. And, He knows that I can manage the trials that in front of me. I indeed feel His presence during the time of need.

Learning to Hear Him

Right now I am really stunned!

Last night after having a heart to heart talk with Sister Peggy and Sister E Chin, I did have a peaceful mind and I felt warm in my heart. I kneeled down before God and said my prayer.

I was so afraid to ask about the decision which I have to decide, I do not think I am ready for to ask anything at all as I do not yet make up my mind what I want to do next.

I prayed for a lowly and humble heart, and seek to learn and ask the Lord to teach me how I able to listen and hear what He want me to do. My mind is actually still blank when I woke up this morning, and my heart still troubled when I am thinking of my marriage.

I am supposed to study on 3 Nephi Chapter 11. Beginning of the lesson teach about how the Nephites hear the voice of the Father announcing the appearance of His Son, how the Lord and the Holy Ghost often speak to us? I was really stunned at that instance as I slowly flipped through the lesson of today that I am supposed to study. It is all about Holy Ghost.

I was speechless… Heavenly Father really hears me every each day and seconds… He knows my heart… He loves me so so much… He is there whenever I need Him… Just I do not have my clear eyes and mind to hear, to see and to feel Him. The Spirit is always there.

I was supposed to complete this lesson 2 days ago as my earlier scheduled, but I could not as I do not have a clear mind to read, to rush and catch up the lessons. I know all these are not co-incident.

And, I know that all these happened for a better reason that only God knows, because He knows the end from beginning. I know all these happened for my own good. 3 Nephi The Book of Nephi, is not co-incident that I read it through at these time. It is truly the divine design that I have to go through and to learn something from it, and I feel blessed that I managed to read it now, at this moment.

President Boyd K. Packer, explained how the voice of the Lord, through the Holy Ghost, operates on our mind and heart:

“Perhaps the single greatest thing I learned from reading the Book of Mormon is that the voice of the Spirit comes as a feeling rather than a sound. You will learn, as I have learned, to ‘listen’ for that voice that is felt rather than heard…

“The gift of the Holy Ghost… will guide and protect you and even correct your actions. It is a spiritual voice that comes into the mind as a thought or a feeling put into your heart”

President Boyd K. Packer gave the following counsel about what we need to do to listen to and understand the voice of the Lord through the Holy Ghost:

“The Spirit does not get our attention by shouting. It never shakes us with a heavy hand. The Spirit whispers. It caresses so gently, indeed, that if we are preoccupied, we can’t feel it at all.

“Occasionally, the Spirit will press just firmly enough or often enough for us to pay attention; but from my experience, most of the time, if we do not heed the gentle feeling, if we do not listen with those feelings, the Spirit will withdraw and wait until we come seeking and listening, in our manner and our expression”

I have a strong feeling as all the questions in the lessons are meant for me to study right now at this moment. 3 Nephi considered the highlights of the entire of the Book of Mormon, and it focuses on the direct teachings ad ministry of Jesus Christ to the people of Nephites.

It is not by chance and not by coincident, it is His divine design that I learn all these at this right now. Seeing how Jesus Christ demonstrated compassion for the people “one by one”, He wants to let me know that His concern as an individual – a child of lovingly Heavenly Father. Learning how some people prepared themselves to meet the Savior while others prevented themselves from experiencing the magnificent blessings. I can feel that He is walking with me everyday.

Messages…

[7:57 am, 14/11/2018] ipeng: Dear.. we love you.. please remember.

[7:58 am, 14/11/2018] C Alvin Yu: Remember dear.. love you all too.

[7:58 am, 14/11/2018] ipeng: 若你現在正在面临人生的挑战，希望羅纳德。羅斯本長老的話能够增强你对神的信心，他说：當你處在人生大风暴之中，不要忘记你是神的儿女，这个神聖的傳承，也不要忘记你永恒的目标。)
神爱你

[7:59 am, 14/11/2018] ipeng: We are God’s children. We have great potential! We love you!

[8:00 am, 14/11/2018] C Alvin Yu: vision mission direction towards God yes forever remember.. but in me myself certain things i just have to be myself.. knowing God love us so much yes indeed never forget...

[9:31 am, 14/11/2018] ipeng: Dear... I know that I understand you not much, even we have been married for long time. You are always a really good family man in our eyes.. I know that you must been through a lot and much challenges, struggles and sufferings at points and moments which we were not seeing you, in your career working life and your personal struggles for all these years.. for you never tell us all your bitterness.. I know it is not easy for you to face that alone, and all those you have been through have made you become what you are today. I wish for all those years I have been there with you. I do not know

[9:46 am, 14/11/2018] ipeng: I do know that it is really not easy for you to go through all those years alone. I feel sad that for all these years I never walk into your heart, share your sadness and happiness. I was not grow up so fast as you have been progress. But one thing I know that is I love you from the day one I saw you till now. I know that you love us, but I can feel that you are not in love with me anymore... I feel sad.. what is happening between us

[10:04 am, 14/11/2018] ipeng: Dear.. can both of us try and try to make our relationship better ya? I love you.. dear

O Remember, Remember

Today I really feel sad. I know and I can feel that he was not going back his rented place sleep last night. He was with someone else…

I feel disappointed and upset for the whole day, I was not in a good mood. I feel insecure and sad, but luckily there were a lot of office works that at least keep me busy so that I won’t think too much.

In actual fact, I do not have the calmness I need to read and study the Book of Mormon, but I forced myself to read and study even though I know that my mind was not align with the Spirit.

This really made my heartache. I was trying my best to do everything else except thinking of him. Thinking of him made me feel sad.

I was sitting down after dinner and taken my bath, opened up my laptop wanted to continue study the Home-Study Seminary for the Book of Mormon. I just have to force myself on reading all these scriptures so that my mind would not drifting away.

I just clicked on the internet and came to the Church website, I noticed that there is a small video clip that draw my attention – Gratitude for God’s Hand in Your Life.

I saw the summary of the video clip: President Henry B. Eyring encourages us to look for the hand of God and recognize the abundant blessings God gives to us daily. I was thinking like, “Yes, I need to see this!”

I was so surprised and feel with joy that, this is not the first time I come across this message! I read through it yesterday in the Home-Study Seminary in the Book of Mormon.

I was studied on 3 Nephi Chapter 2 on how the Nephites easily began to forget the signs that they had seen related to the Savior’s birth. By forgetting their precious spiritual experiences, they had became more vulnerable to Satan’s temptations and deceptions.

At that point, immediately I related it to myself when read this, have I forgotten any? It is really difficult for me to remember, I felt sad and I have an impression, “You should write it down into your blog.”

Then, the lesson highlighted an example of President Henry B. Eyring related how recording his spiritual experiences in a journal helped him.

“I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: “Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?” As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.

“More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I felt more gratitude for the softening and refining that come because of the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ. And I grew more confident that the Holy Ghost can bring all things to our remembrance—even things we did not notice or pay attention to when they happened.”

O Remember, Remember

President Henry B. Eyring

October 2007 General Conference

Yesterday after I read this short paragraphs, I was reflected on myself for the whole past week, what made my mind so troubled and worried ? Have I forgotten how our family able to come unto this Church of the Lord ? Have I forgotten how we can have the house we have now ? And so much more what God had done in our lives! And, why I did not put my trust in the Lord ?

Personally, I love to write and that is the reason why I keep the blog. I want to record down everything about the children. So that when they grow up, they have a place to read and know, someday in the future, how their childhood were and I want them to know and remember how the Lord have blessed our family so much and His love to this little family.

I was thinking of writing all the spiritual experiences that I encountered for the last few days, so that I would not forget. It was late night and I delayed it yesterday.

Today I saw the same message again, I think this must be the promptings of the Spirit remind me something that need to be done. Thus, here I am writing this small spiritual experience that I have. I should make it an every day, even few lines.

As what President Eyring said, “Tonight, and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions: Did God send a message that was just for me? Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children?”

Of coarse my answer is a big Yes! I am starting to see it now for these past few days! And that are the reasons why I want to preserve all these precious memories into writings.

May be in the future when I encounter any struggles or trials, I will remember what have the Lord blessed me and remind me to stay on this strait and narrow path, and as the prophets of the Book of Mormon often implored, “O remember, remember…”

Connect All the Dots…

Today I sat down and think… refresh my memories and connect back all the dots and lines which I had been encountered for the past few days. I am indeed amazed!

For the past few days I was too blind and too deaf to hear the communications or the messages from Heavenly Father that I really missed had I not been striving to hear it and see it. Heavenly Father was and is trying to reach out to me everyday!

On last Friday, I received Sister Saffron message through WhatsApp. It was President Dieter F. Uchtdorf about Faith. “Faith comes to the humble, the diligent, the enduring.”

I was just read it through and did not put into my heart. I remembered that I did come across the scripture line that asked me to have faith in Heavenly Father and be humble, meekness and pray to Him.

On last Saturday, Sister Saffron sent this message to me, Elder Ronald A. Rasband said, “I begin by reminding you that you are a son or daughter of a loving Father in Heaven...” I too just read through the message and did not put into my heart at all.

I remembered that on Saturday,  I was watching The Nutcracker and the Four Realms as part of our programme in celebrating Issac’s birthday. Clara receives an egg-shaped box from her father as it is a present that her late mother given to her before she died.

The egg-shaped box which she is unable to unlock, together with a note saying "Everything you need is inside". While Clara’s godfather, a skilled engineer Drosselmeyer were talking to her in the movie, I sort of sensed that The Lord is talking to me in the movie too. And it has been as the Lord is telling me that I am His child, do not be afraid.

Finally Clara managed to open her egg-shaped music box and discover a mirror, illustrating that all she needed was herself. This message as it was from the Lord, was telling me that I am the answer to all my fear and troubles. He was telling me that I have a great talent that I have ever know. I am the key of all the questions and puzzles of all. I can feel His love at that instant.

Heavenly Father is reaching out to me everyday to tell me in every ways the things He wants me to know. It is really so miracle that the message each day is the same, just I did not see it! This is really a testimony that I have and I would not want to forget, and how the power of ministering able to reach to those who need.

All these sequences of spiritual experiences made me realise that I have to do in the Lord’s will. If I am too anxiously want the end results (prayer) in my will, I will feel lost… I think that was the reason being why I was worrying and troubling for the whole week.

Heavenly Father indeed knows me very well… That was the reason why He sent Sister E Chin to talk to me last Sunday. Suddenly for this instance, I just feel like, I am not a so obedient child at all, till Heavenly Father have to ‘speak loud’ to me on my face. I was too upset and that was the reason why hinder me from seeing and feeling.

This is the closest that I can feel and start to understand how Heavenly Father talk and answer my prayers. I really would not want to forget these precious moments for the rest of my life…

We were sending Alvin to the KLIA2 as he was taken the earliest flight back to Johor Bahru, after which I send both children to their school. We had our breakfast at 24 Hours KFC which is just near Mecaje this morning.

I know that there are still a lot of things will happened in front of our marriage journey, but the Lord let me knows that He is always there beside me, even though I cannot sense it or feel His presence because of I was too focus on my sadness, anxiety, worries that had blocked me from listening and feel Him.