Friday Night Burger King

Friday night, our usual dinner outing! This week, we headed to Burger King at the Caltex petrol station Puchong Permai for a simple and satisfying meal.

The restaurant's bright orange and wooden interior, together with the glowing Burger King signs, made a nice setting for our dinner. After settling down, it was time to enjoy our burgers and take a few photos to remember the evening.

Of course, Annabelle couldn't resist having a little fun in front of the camera! Her funny expressions and playful poses made the photos more entertaining than the food itself. Sometimes, it is these spontaneous moments that make an ordinary dinner more memorable.

Our Friday night dinners have become a familiar routine. We don't always go somewhere special or try something new; sometimes, we just enjoy a casual meal at a familiar place and spend a little time together.

Another Friday, another dinner outing, and another small memory added to our collection. ❤️

6th Week in the MISSION FIELDDD!!

大家怎样LAH!! BONJIOR, HELLO, KONICHIWAA AND ANNYEONGHASAYO!! 

Well this week has been nothing too much. Nonetheless it's still a blast with comfort!!!

New haircut too It's soo FUNNY!

Well as mentioned before the week has been quite a week for learning and while it has not been a storm with the people we met. Nonetheless there were several curbs and challenges I have to face by myself.

Meeting with my Mission President 

Now to be honest I always thought Mission Presidents are people that we should upmost respect and no jokes. However, when I've met my mission president for the interview. I am soo grateful to see him and be able to take council from him. Mission Presidents are the best in helping us missionaries whenever we are lost, both physically like goals, directions, progress of the work and etc. As well as spiritually like questions, doubts, concerns, worries and etc.

Now I do believe different areas have different sort of Mission Presidents, I believe they are all called from God. Something that my mission area love to say is

"God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the call."

And that is soo true no matter who Heavenly Father calls to a calling in their life. They are never perfect from the start, however they gradually learn and practice their arts of the calling. Like

1. Moses - Speech issue

2. Alma - Rebelling against the church

3. Nephi - Not understanding and having concern on the things his father Lehi says

4. And ETC

So each of those amazing stories and example the scriptures shows, they all were not prepared, neither worthy in some people eyes. Nonetheless, they are learning as they were called. And they trusted in the Lord to guide and nurture them as they do the things the Lord asks of them. And that is AMAZINGGG!!! Like WHAAAT but yeah they learn and were once imperfect. But they were made perfected through Christ which strengthens them.

So maybe there might be some people we see that aren't perfect, but that's why we're here to help one another and to pray for them and fast and more for them like a hidden motion of fire. And even for yourself, if you ever feel inadequate, the Savior is there to help us and guide us to reach new heights. Best part is He is ALWAYS THERE TO RECEIVE US.

“O all ye that are spared because ye were more righteous than they, will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?”

3 Nephi 9:13

“O ye fair ones, how could ye have departed from the ways of the Lord! O ye fair ones, how could ye have rejected that Jesus, who stood with open arms to receive you!”

Mormon 6:17

“I shall lengthen out mine arm unto them from day to day, they will deny me; nevertheless, I will be merciful unto them, saith the Lord God,”

2 Nephi 28:32

So no matter how weird, unique and special people around us are. Love them continually even when it feels like things are done differently, cause Heavenly Father knows what's best to help us all. So ultimately trust in the council of your Mission President they are AMAZINGGG!!

Learning Process

Well it's been an amazing learning opportunity for me as we have what I call late night chat with my trainer. It's WILDDD!! Like just chatting about my concern and gradually I came to understand how I can express myself in a hmmm in my own way. And okay it's really helpful to analyze, copy, emulate and improve it.

Like it's SOOO FUNNNN!! But I am still trying to do contacting, lessons, socializing, connecting and loving everyone around me. I love it. But I guess one way that does help me is by asking this few question.

What is a great Christlike attribute that you or someone you know can see in you?

How can you use that Christlike attribute to show love to others?

I think it did help me out. Nonetheless I am still understanding the formula of it. But I am learning to do better for the people I teach. And I LOVEE THEMMM!!! I am soo grateful to be able to teach these people. And I guess that's why I wanted to stay on my mission. Because of these people ❤️.

Holy Ghost

Okay Okay now I know I talk about that several times in my emails but its amazing to always learn something new from this small and simple principle. So I learned something that goes along with 1 Nephi 3 and 4

“7 And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.”

1 Nephi 3:7

Now imagine you are telling your dad about a crazy and suicidal plan and you agreed to it. You said Yes I know that God is there to help me through it. And like you are soo excited and you travel all the way to the place where that suicidal plan is going to happen. Now when you reach there the next thing you knew is, having a simple question in mind. It goes along something like....

What now? How do I do it?

And that is WILDDD, and thats me. Before every lesson.

LETSSS GOOO!!!

During the Lesson

It's an empty head and it seems no revelation or prompting come. ⚰️

And I was soo frustrated like how come it's not there or that I did all this effort to teach this people but I know not what to teach. However my trainer said one thing during our convo.

Just do it....

Just do it? WAT TAT? Just talk. Just serve. just act. Just testify. Just listen. Just That?

And that's exactly what Nephi did:

“5. I, Nephi, crept into the city and went forth towards the house of Laban.

6 And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do.

7 Nevertheless I went forth.”

1 Nephi 4: 5-7

SUREE WHY NOT. Why not just talk with ya'll. Just talking and gradually thoughts and idea will come in as the conversation continues. And that is something I wanna try!! Scary but EXCITING!...

And also there's a BYU talk that was just a BALLER!! Gotta find it. DINGGG

Miracles and it's FUNNESS 

So funny thing, while this week we were locked in to invite all chinese Asians to the coming up 中秋节 activity. So we also cover an English stake and the people we taught are alll AMAZINGGG. But they all had issues poppin up like busy schedule and sickness.

Nonetheless just yesterday Sunday, they were all able to come and at the same time I was able to give a talk at their wards as well. And it's sooo . I love how the Lord works His miracles in their lives. And I can see the Savior's help in each and everyone of our lives. I am soo glad to see the Lord's help in our lives.

Conclusion

I am soo grateful for last week and the many blessings we attain. And I hope you guys have a wonderful full weeeek. Also enjoy the broadcast of President Nelson's 100 Birthday bubyeeeee

P.S. I am soo grateful I l for your email as well it's so amazing to gain new insights from all of ya'll.  Love youu❤️

Smithfield Temple

Multi Zone Sports Day Logan 9 Sept 2024

A day of sports, laughter, good food, and fellowship! On September 9, 2024, Elder Yu joined fellow missionaries for the Multi-Zone Sports Day in Logan, Utah.

Everyone having a wonderful time enjoying outdoor activities and spending time together away from their usual missionary routines. The volleyball court was ready, and the missionaries gathered on the sand, taking turns playing and cheering one another on. It was a good opportunity to enjoy some friendly competition, stay active, and strengthen friendships across the zones.

One of my favourite photos is the one showing Elder Yu in his red shirt participating and interacting with his fellow missionaries. Another photo captures everyone sitting together for a meal, sharing food and enjoying each other's company. Even a simple meal can become a happy memory when it is shared with good friends.

I am glad to see Elder Yu enjoying the experience and making memories with his fellow missionaries in Utah. Beyond the lessons taught and people met during his mission, I hope he will also treasure these lighter moments — the games, the laughter, the conversations, and the friendships formed along the way.

A little sports, a little friendly competition, and a lot of fellowship — a lovely memory from Elder Yu's missionary days in Logan!

We’ll Bring the World His Truth

September 8, 2024

We’ll Bring the World His Truth

We have been born, as Nephi of old,
To goodly parents who love the Lord.
We have been taught, and we understand,
That we must do as the Lord commands.

We are as the army of Helaman.
We have been taught in our youth.
And we will be the Lord’s missionaries
To bring the world his truth.

We have been saved for these latter days
To build the kingdom in righteous ways.
We hear the words our prophet declares:
“Let each who’s worthy go forth and share.”

We are as the army of Helaman.
We have been taught in our youth.
And we will be the Lord’s missionaries
To bring the world his truth.

We know his plan, and we will prepare,
Increase our knowledge through study and prayer.
Daily we’ll learn until we are called
To take the gospel to all the world.

We are as the army of Helaman.
We have been taught in our youth.
And we will be the Lord’s missionaries
To bring the world his truth.
To bring the world his truth.

 

Dear Elder Yu,

For the past few months, we as primary teachers have been preparing the primary children to practice every Sunday for their upcoming primary presentation. This is one of the songs that the primary children are going to sing. And, finally, the preparation from months ago paid off eventually as today is our Puchong branch's Primary presentation.

I feel so spiritually uplifted whenever I hear the rhythms of this song. Today my tears filled my eyes as I listened to how the primary children and young men sang this song. I think it might be I will think of my son who serves his mission currently.

Memories of the earlier years when we just baptised into the church would come into my mind. It is so vivid and I feel as if it just happened only yesterday. Annabelle and you both are in your 7 and 9 years old when we came to know about the Church. I still can remember how both of you ran to your Daddy and me after we survived through the 3-hours church sacrament meeting during our family's first visit to the Church.

And, that is how our family started our journey in Christ’s Church. I am so grateful that both of you and your sister grew up in the Church at what I considered a very critical time in your years of growing up, especially after what our family had been through due to your daddy and mummy’s marriage.

The Lord has chosen you; He did long ago. I think you know that for yourself. I can see how His hand was and is in your life. From the day you were born to become your daddy and mummy’s son, and how we transferred both Annabelle and you to continue studying in Mecaje, how you made your effort to learn slowly and steadily in your school.

I must say sorry and apologize to you that I did not have enough trust in my own son when I heard and learned from you that you are interested in studying the Science stream or subjects. Eventually, you prove to everyone that you can be a Science material when you have the interest, passion, and heart to do it.

I can see how the Lord trains and molds you up to be patient, humble, kind, long-suffering, endurance, perseverance, and persistence while you worked as the primary teacher and faced so many types of characteristics of children; till you learn and get your driving license. From the day you apply for your mission, receive your mission call, prepare to go for your mission, do all the necessary medical checkups, attend the US Embassy religious visa interview, and how He made a way for you to arrive at MTC on the exact date He wants you to be. He is preparing you for your mission. You are going to be an awesome missionary, of that I have no doubt. You have a greater ability to harvest your potential.

What you are doing now will not be easy every day, but it will be many days, brush off the tough days. You will get discouraged, that is normal when you are — work harder. I can see that in you every week when I read your emails. You will be strengthened when you are doing the work, not when you are thinking of yourself or dwelling on the challenges. Focus on service, to those you are called to serve; the people of Utah Ogden, your companions, Heavenly Father, and Jesus Christ.

Continue to make friends, but remember why you are there. The friendships, with members, missionaries, and others, will be more meaningful when they are made as you are diligently fulfilling your calling. I know that you would gain many lifelong friends from your mission. When you always act in their presence as a missionary —that is why and how your friendships have durability and substance. Think of the many people you have met and heard stories about. These are people, along with many others, who will continue to impact your life in the positive when you focus on the work and serve the best you can to them and do the Lord’s work.

Remember to be humble.

Focus on individuals. One by one. One thing at a time.

Study the scriptures and learn as much as the Holy Ghost can guide you because you would not have another opportunity to learn the Gospel in the same way you can while on your mission.

Open your mouth. Especially when you do not want to. I fear that you inherit this from your mummy, I am not a sociable person. I am happy to know that you put this as your goal that you want to work on and make a small change in yourself.

Be a leader and be a follower. Both are important. Jesus Christ is a great leader to us and He is a great follower in doing Heavenly Father’s will. Learn to know when you should be doing which.

Pay attention. Do not be blur-blur (Haha). Be street smart. Stay out of danger. Follow promptings perfectly.

Do not fear. Pray for courage and strength.

Do not worry about us at home. I know that it is a learning experience to have faith in Him too – to know that we are in the Lord’s good hands, no matter what is happening at home. I want you to focus on the Lord’s work.

Have fun. You can do this simultaneously by being disciplined, obedient, and focused.

Take the time to share your experience with friends who have not asked you to. People need to hear about your experiences and see you grow. You will influence lives beyond those people you come in contact with in Utah Ogden.

Respect and learn from your mission president. You are both there at the same time for each other; it did not just happen.

Remember to pray, both formally and to have a prayer in your heart. You will need help and especially guidance, ask for it and show gratitude for it.

Deal with your problems, study them out in your mind, pray to Heavenly Father for the solutions that you come up with, and ask if it is according to His will. Get help from your mission leaders and mission president if you need it. Please do not hesitate to ask us for help.

I am proud to be your mother and proud that you are my son. I love you.

Love,
Mummy

Faith, Food & Daughter

Some Saturdays are memorable because of a special event, while others are precious simply because of the little things we do together. This Saturday was one of those lovely, ordinary days that I want to remember.

In the morning, Annabelle attended her face-to-face seminary class at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Kuala Lumpur District Center. I am glad that she has the opportunity to gather with other youth, learn the gospel, study the scriptures, and strengthen her testimony. Beyond the lessons themselves, seminary gives her a chance to build friendships with other young people who share her faith.

Later in the evening, we headed to one of our favourite places for dinner — Two Pesos at Bandar Puteri Puchong! There is something comforting about returning to a restaurant we enjoy, knowing that we can sit down, relax, and have a good meal together after a busy day.

Korean Army Pot — Annabelle's Choice

Annabelle chose the Korean Army Pot, a hearty and colourful hotpot filled with noodles, vegetables, tofu, and other ingredients simmering together in a rich, spicy broth. It looked so inviting, especially with the noodles sitting on top, waiting to be cooked into the soup.

We took a few photos along the way, capturing Annabelle enjoying her meal and our little dinner outing. Nothing particularly extraordinary happened, but that is what made the day enjoyable. We had somewhere to go, something delicious to eat, and photographs to remember the occasion.

From seminary in the morning to Korean Army Pot in the evening, it was a simple Saturday filled with two things Annabelle enjoys: spending time in her church community and having a good meal.

As Annabelle grows older, I know that her life will become busier and she will have more responsibilities, friendships, and experiences of her own. That makes these everyday moments even more precious to me. I want to treasure the time we have together now, while allowing her the freedom to grow into the person Heavenly Father intends her to become.

Sometimes, the best way to spend a Saturday is simply to enjoy what the day brings! ❤️

5th Week in the Mission Field

Helloooo!!!

Well this week has been an interesting one. While we had a temple trip, MDC and Adjusting to Missionary life conference. It's so nice and comforting to know that the Savior is always there and loves me so much. 

So last week's fishing, well it's comforting to know that we are called to be fishers of men. Not fishers of fish. ⚰️. Nonetheless it was a fun experience. I am soo grateful for the people I've met on the mission and the blessings they brought to my life.  

Temple Trip

It is such a blessing to be able to go and attend a endowment session in the Logan Temple like it's crazy COOOL AND AHHHHHHHH.  It's always been a part of my checklist to visit the Logan temple and the beauty it possess is sooo ENCHANTING. Second close to Provo City Center temple though.

I got the opportunity to visit the Temple twice. First is going to the temple with a recent convert who loves the temple. Yeap...

AT 5:15  IN THE MORNING!! IT WAS SOO COOLED AND SOO TIRING. ITS A BLESSING WE DIDN'T GO FOR AN ENDOWMENT SESSION AT THAT TIME BUT DOING BAPTISM FOR THE DEAD!! Nonetheless it's such an amazing experience to go to the temple early in the morning and go through the rest of the day with that spiritual recharge. That is unimaginably recommended for you guys. If waking up at 4 o'clock is something you guys are willing to do. . Amazing still.

And I got to go to the temple the next day, around noon. And this time doing the endowment for the dead as well as visiting the celestial room is phenomenal!! I missed that feeling and presence of the Lord. Best part is I also came to understand more of how the Lord helps us as well add in our effort and decisions to make that we may grow as well. Gradually as the week went by I came to learn and grow even more each day. Especially about prayer, faith and the Holy Ghost.

I've come to learn the blessing and love the Lord has for us. And how He wants to be by our side throughout our lives.

The Holy Ghost

I have come to learn the blessing and comfort to know and learn how the Holy Ghost works during our findings, lessons and studies.

In every moment of my missionary experience I realised it's much more fun and spiritual when you have the Holy Ghost by your side. I came to realised the blessing it brings to teach with a knowledge of what God wants the people we teach to learn and understand.

I have come to understand the divine perspective that God has for each and everyone for us. That everything we teach can help them to soothe and comfort their concerns and worries. I am grateful for that experience.  However it requires the effort to maintain the calmness and love for people above the natural man in us.

I learned that God wants us to come and understand how we can rely on Him in our growth and use our own agency to learn the experience of the choices we make in life. That no matter what decisions we make, we can have the Savior's help to strengthen and guide us how to make the best out of the choices we make. Like Adam and Eve, Enoch, Sons of Mosiah, Nephi in 3rd Nephi and more. Whatever choices and desires they have, the Lord guides them from their desire to His Will.

So ultimately trust in Him. And in that sense I did always want to understand the Holy Ghost and how He speaks to me. And I can see how the Lord guides and teaches me more on how I can Hear Him and understand His presence. There is definitely a lot more I can learn, nonetheless as long as we have that desire He will guide us to that goal that we want. So have faith and trust in Him even when things are chaotic. I think that is part of Thinking Celestial. To have the end in mind but I am still understanding this principle even more.

Tips: listen and understand the person you're teaching. Don't listen to respond, but listen to understand. From there I do feel like spiritual prompting and invitation are all encircled around Love and Charity.

Seek for My Words

This part is really something new to me. Especially towards promising blessings to others whom I teach. As I am currently learning about extending invitations to help others keep their commitments and prepare them to make and keep sacred covenants. I came to learn that studying about the blessings one can get when we extend that specific invitation can really help us a lot. And I studied about prayers and the blessings we can get from that.

1. Doctrine and Covenants 10:5

2. Doctrine and Covenants 88:62-64

3. Alma 37:36-37

4. 2 Nephi 32:8-9

And these are but a few blessings we can attain when we pray. The invitation to pray. A simple act that can lead us to so many great blessings. I'd say sometimes I overlook the small and simple things we need to do to draw ourselves evermore closer to the Savior. But not only research about its promised blessings, however experiment upon them. I am planning to do so and try the blessings God promised us when we do these things. There is so much to learn in the gospel each day. So gimme a period of time I want to do all I can to feast upon the words of Christ. I know it will be fruitful.

The 2 Great Commandments

A talk I recently heard was from Elder Gary E Stevenson His message is called Bridging the Two Great Commandments. And Charity is the most important part of that message. From that talk I came to learn that like all Suspension bridges it requires its own powerful towers firmly in place and piers anchored in the foundation of bedrocks. And in a gospel lens, these towers are the 2 great commandments.

1. To Love God: with all your heart, soul and mind.

To love the Lord centers in your heart, your very nature. Then to love Him with your soul, your entire concentrated being. Lastly, To love Him with all your mind. Your intelligence and intellect. Love for God is infinite and eternal.

2. Love your Neighbours: love our neighbours like unto thyself.

Loving God does not neglect our neighbours. This includes Christlike deeds of kindness and service. Comfort those in need of comforting mourn with those who mourn. Succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down and strengthen the feeble knees D&C 81:5

President Russell M. Nelson taught: “Giving help to others—making a conscientious effort to care about others as much as or more than we care about ourselves—is our joy. Especially … when it is not convenient and when it takes us out of our comfort zone. Living that second great commandment is the key to becoming a true disciple of Jesus Christ.”

By doing so we can be better disciples of Jesus Christ. And to me, ultimately Love is the true reason why we have our missionary purpose. That we are to invite others to Come unto Christ by giving them the restored gospel of Jesus Christ through,

1. Faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement: To know they are never alone

2. Repentance: To understand that change is possible and so is hope

3. Baptism: To help bind the people we love to Heavenly Father

4. Receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost: To let them know where to seek council, improvement, comfort and sanctification

5. Endure to the End: That they can live the gospel and cherish it in their hearts.

In the end this virtuous cycle leads them to be able to grow independently as well as helping one another to grow stronger in unity, spirit and love. I am still improving and I am grateful for the growth I've gotten so far.

That's why we share the gospel, to help His lost children to come and learn of Heavenly Father. So keep going, don't stop.

Recommended Talk by the way

Fear God or Fear Men

Now part of my shyness in socialising is due to the idea of talking to different people about the gospel. And that is insane. But my trainer mentioned. "Who do you fear most? God or Men?" That question made me ponder on my time in the mission field. And I made up my mind, it's God. But I like to make it more digestible for myself.

Who do you fear? God or men

Who do you respect? God or men

Who do you love? God or men

That's insane like WHATTT!! I shared the gospel because I fear God. Yes, I did it because I respect Him but in the end it's because I love Him too. And I also shared the gospel because I love God's children. to help them receive the gospel. And that's just wild to me and amazing!!!

Christlike Attribute

Now this is such a divine understanding of Christlike attributes. That to obtain it we gotta earn it. However it becomes a part of us once we have it. Unless we put them away. And I have come to realise that acquiring Christlike attributes is by far the hardest thing to do, it's exhausting mentally, physically and spiritually. Which it appears to be hmm intriguing. It's so tiring to be like the Savior yet He invited us to be like him. So How? HOW/ HOWWW!!?

Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It gives us the strength we need to do slightly better each time, it brings the comfort we need to soothe our worries and anxieties and it lets us experience the feeling of not being alone, that He understands the pain we go through and are experiencing. I've come to see that, and I know that it is true. It's not just faith but testimony as well. That He is there and He will help us in our personal battles. Trust in Him. I know He is there and understands us all the way. And I am eternally grateful for Him. To help me come ever closer to Heavenly Father.

Conclusion

While I didn't really have the best week, it should be normal. Nonetheless I do know that I have not regretted this decision that I have made. And so far meeting with people I teach is the blessing of coming to a mission itself.

I do feel jealous with how all the Chinese members feed y'all too. Just keep that in mind and totally not thinking of food during my mission HAHAHAHA. I would really love to hear your thoughts about your mission, life experience and more. Afterall the gospel is meant to share and I want to help everyone I know to Come one step closer to Christ. Even if they're members as well DINGGG✨✨✨. Love you Brothers, Sister, Elders and Sisters again only a missionary one. Big titles gotta respect all of them HAHAHAHAHA!!!

BYEEEEEE

Me and my Fried rice moving to a new apartment.

Questions to Ask

September 2, 2024

Questions to Ask

Dear Elder Yu,

I am writing to you now as if I am talking to myself, asking myself to go forth. It feels so hard to press forward.

Daddy was back on Friday, August 30 morning and we went to Sunway Pyramid. He bought Annabelle her birthday gift in advance. This is the first time he has returned home since he sent you off at KLIA last July. He stayed from Friday to Saturday. He flew back to Penang this morning. It seems as if Penang is his new home now. I remember I hugged him before he left and whispered in his ears, “我们可以不要离婚吗?” He did not answer anything at all.

He asked for a divorce last July 14. I could see and feel that he had no intention of getting back together because, for these 2 days here, he kept on WhatsApp his girlfriend. From the TikTok source that I see, I know that the woman is probably much younger than me. The pain and heartache was and is real. I thought that this time, the pain would be less because I had gone through it a lot of times, but it was not at all…

Daddy called yesterday, Sunday evening while I was attending the Zoom meeting regarding the Young Women Camp which will happen between September 16-18, 2024. I answered his video call as he was shopping at Aeon Supermarket in Queensbay Mall Penang. I noticed that he was wearing a gold wedding band on his left fourth finger or ring finger.

Suddenly I could feel my whole nerves shivering, my heart pumping faster. He did not wear that when he was with us, and he did wear some sort of accessories that when you see it, you could know that is something to do with Thailand. And yes, the girl in his TikTok account is a Thai lady. I was still calming myself down and asked him, “Are you wearing a golden ring on your left hand?” He was suddenly stunned and thought how to answer my question, and said a “Yes” softly. I asked him, “Is this the ring you bought with another woman?” He said, “No la.. this one I bought myself, and I saw it very nice.” He did not intend to talk any longer and ended the conversation call after that.

I was so upset and I could feel my tears fell and covered my face when I had dinner with Annabelle. I know that I should not throw all my tantrums or trouble to you. When I read your email the last few days, I felt like it looked similar to what you shared about your experience last week with the 40++ man that you met in your proselyting work the other day.

I could understand your ‘Whys’ and it happened to me for the past few years when I knew what my husband had done to me. I kept on praying that maybe our marriage would become better but it was not. I do not know how to garden and nourish our love seeds anymore… I must admit that there is always takes 2 hands to clap, and I might be at fault somehow, somewhere in our marriage and growing the family up together… It was as if it was too late for us now.

One thing that I feel so hurt about is that after so many years the sacrifices I made for this little family, eventually ended up not getting anything at all from the past 20 years… I am glad that both of you and Annabelle have grown up to be a fine young man and young lady, but somehow I have lost my husband and my marriage. To be realistic, I can not depend on my so-called husband now in my old age. It is a sad and pathetic thing to think about.

When I married your Daddy, I married the love of my life and it is painful to know that I could not age together with him. Sadly, he thinks otherwise. I am trying to hold on and keep going every day because I cannot afford to stop as I need to work and be self-reliant. I am very angry and feel unloved by someone who betrayed and betrayed me again and again. Who am I to him? A fool?

I am sorry if I am avoiding the camera during the Messenger call just now because I was not really in the mood to see your Daddy. I am still angry with this hypocrite. He is always like an angel in front of his children, and I am the laziest and stupidest mom!

I kept on reading my patriarchal blessings over and over again, just to find any answers and I felt as if every word pointing me to have confidence and faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I suddenly think of the temple lately and even Sister E Chin asked me to go to the temple because the Lord wants me to be there.

My thoughts and heart now are thinking that I want to go to the temple and pour out my whole soul and heart to the Lord, and ask what He would want me to do now. I am pondering about letting go of this marriage relationship if this is for both my husband and my good. He can be free of the sins that he is making now and my sins as well – knowing that he would not come back to me and still tie him down with our civil marriage, he even sinned further because of that. He did ask for a divorce last month.

I am in the dilemma of do I pursue further and keep trying in my marriage, or just take the courage to let go and have confidence in myself and confidence in Heavenly Father that He will deliver me. It seems the road ahead appears to me to be uncertain if I choose either decision to be made. Or maybe it is because of my faithless actions, that I need to change and act, either to continue this marriage? But it seems to me that, our marriage relationship will not change much in the coming 5 years. He is always trying to get away with me.

The question I want to ask is:

1. How can I know what Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ want me to do now, as it seems as if everything I see is either pointing me to let go and keep on continuing to work on my marriage? It seems to me the message hinted me to just let go, somedays hinted me to work on it. I am confused by the things and thoughts that came into my mind. And, that is the reason why I have the urge to go to the temple.

2. How to forgive a person that hurt you again and again? Of course, I know it is my agency to choose. I choose to give him the chance to betray and hurt me again and again. Or give myself a blind chance which I work on nothing at all. It is so hard. Your daddy made me feel as if I am not a worthy woman to love for all time and eternity, that is why he wants to get rid of me before eternity comes.

It seems like I could see the pattern of how the Lord paved your missionary work last week meeting so many people and the things you learned along the way. And, this week your mom has been through her ‘old trials’ and ‘old challenges’ again. It is just like so in time that I shall learn something from your experiences and lessons. And, I think I got some from your Messenger message.

I am so sorry if you need to bear so much burden of your mom. I think after all, the most beautiful thing about this is that I feel grateful that I can sense and see what the Lord is trying to tell me in every moment, that He loves me, and that I am not alone! I know that He lives and watches over me every moment! Just, I need to know how to communicate with Him and learn to do His will. (Or does He wait to see what are my choices?)

I love you too, Elder Yu!

Love,
Mommy