I am Grateful

Last week I found out that my left breast would feel pain if I incidentally press on it, and I can feel a lump that is movable. I feel scared because I heard too much about women that diagnose with breast cancer and how it is the common cancer which happened in 1 out of 4 women in our country.

For that instance, I was so worried because I know that I have too many things that I not yet done, such as my family history work, my blogs that not yet fully update for my children to see my stories and their early childhood stories, lots of family photos which I not yet digitalized, and places which I not yet go, I want to see my both children get into BYU Hawaii if it is God’s will, I want to see both of them getting marry and have their own families, I want to be a temple worker or serve as senior couple missionary with Alvin if it is God’s will, and so many more. How can I just go away right now?

Thus, I told Alvin about this and I called SJMC to fix an appointment to see Dr. Yip after I getting advice from Jessie and Yee Suang to seek for a consultation and opinion, just to make sure. Alvin agreed and accompanied me to SJMC today.

I feel so relief when I heard the doctor told me that everything is normal and alright. After her initial check-up, the doctor asked me to go the imaging department to perform the mammogram and ultra sound scan.

It was quite a while as the imaging waiting room was crowded of people and patients. After the scanning, we went back to the Breast and Endocrine Surgery department and wait for Dr. Yip’s consultation.

This time around Alvin did not accompany me into the Dr Consultation room, but he was outside. He looked ok and he knows that it would be OK for me. It is true as Dr. Yip said there is nothing to worry about, and it might be the cists which I felt in my breast.

She is a very experienced doctor.She just took a needle and poked it to my left breast and taken out liquids in my breast and showed to me, and told me that I am OK.

I feel ease and my burden was lifted up. For the past week, I was quite uneasy and emotional not really feel good. One thing I know is that I have to keep and think on the positive side, because I need to have faith in the Lord and just surrender myself to Him.

Deep down in my heart, I just feel that Alvin is not so nervous or worry for me at all. I do not know why I have this feeling but I know that this kind of feeling doesn’t help in our relationship at all. Is this the instinct that I have which he still hides something from me still, or there is still another woman still which he is still lie to me?

I do not know… but I can just feel the love and care that he has for me is no longer that sort of intimate that what husband and wife should have… This may be is my trial that I need to work out for my own or the Lord wants me to go through it, it is on my way or my path…

I should put my trust in the Lord and I am grateful that all is well…