I feel so awful today, as last night I had found out that he had told his family members the truth but not the whole truth, but selectively to his sister and brother…I felt so sad, and all those things I did not do, and he claimed that he is clean but in actual fact he is not, and God is watching…Oh God, I feel my anger, disappointment, sad and still, I love him so much, that I do not want to hurt him at this stage, and yet he still doing things hurting me.
This is the first email he sent out…
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Friday, 6 April 2012 3:30 PM
Wow.. after father matter resolve and in my planning I've did a difficult but a long time consideration decision.. u all may not be comfortable to read or knowing but I've no choice must inform and/or discuss with u all.. Andrew I'm unable to face him to talk about my personel things.. u all are more closer to me ya... (which i felt)...
Sis and Ko, for the past 4 years in fact me and Ipeng already having relationship problem.. remember 4 years back we did talk about separation but then Issac and Annabelle are too young for us to make any decision, but after all this year we had come to a conclusion of separation.. some mutual agreement terms and condition in fact we are still sorting out before meeting my Lawyer for final drafting of divorcing letter to court..
A lot of things i have to consider, Ko in fact last trip me and you at Starbuck Midvalley u had been advising me, ya i did reconsider but love is all about feeling between each others... doesn't mean after divorce will be enermy cause me & ipeng are mature enought to take it and we all agree can't force to be couple but friendship will still maintain and kids will not see us quarrel in front of them.. smashing or any worse action, I ve promise to give them still a lovely childhood.. these planning already have the clear picture of understanding between us...
Also i would like to clarify that at this juncture i don't have 3rd party girl friend interfering me & ipeng and caused the divorcy.. which this is true and swear to god.. wholly a stable situation decision.. pls. understand and don't expert further or speculate any unneccessary.. tq v v v v v much...
I ve drafted a reimbursement proposal for ipeng's final advise and consideration, which she in preliminary stage quiet agreeable but of course still have some Q&A need to sort out, well any unresolve I inform her to meet my Lawyer at his office together for mutual commitment....
I felt my 2 marriage, I really looks like a very naughty boy... hahahaha.. but who really know me.. I'm alone in KL for so many years I ve built my own character, my own thinking, which u all may not get it (maybe)...
Well, i ve been pushing and forcing myself to coordinate with ipeng over the past 4 years to accept her problem which i always advising her but that is her limit and what further more improvement to expect... and i can't be so selfish to further forcing her and later she will be suffering in future so therefore we decide not giving each other further unhappyness and pressure, we make this decision recently...
Ko, after this matter resolve (if everything smooth) it will take about 6 months.. and this IPD Sentul project getting completed, i really think of joining Taisei for oversea project, at my current knowledge and capability i confidently able to take the challenge and work liaise with better firm... and professional firm like Taisei.. of course at this pay of me with Usaha Waja now if not because helping Andrew i suppose to be a better pay rather than what i m right now...
I just down want to further waste my next 10 years (hey after this 10 years i will be 50 already), so i have to be serious in my career, i ve to be somebody after this and to success in my expected status in Construction Industry...
I write this to pre-notify both of u as my dearest sis & bro. cause i got no body to talk to.. I'll be back on dad 100th arrangement, after that we shall talk further ya..
Thankyou by spending time reading through my broken english essay hahaahhaha... thank you all v v v much...
Alvin.. little bro
***** ***** *****
The second email which is more damaging on my side, and I totally feel heartbreaking and break into pieces…
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Friday, 6 April 2012 9:43 PM
Sis and Ko, I know u all in Kuching very concern our problem... because of kids and responsibility then force have to be together.. haha not me loh, i seek for love feeling, between ipeng and me no more loh.. I did had and affair before that is way before 4 years back before Annabelle born.. that time wat ipeng did is carry Issac run off from home back to segamat day time without notifying me, that time i just started my business on structural steel (don know u all still remember) and I'm still a bankrupcy, so all company name and cheque signing under her.. and she only left RM2.5k with me for new year, all workers look at me for gaji and bonus and worse she informed the whole relative the problem... I have been passing through all this myself yayaya I deserve i know but that night i drive my old van all the way down to segamat for bagging forgiveness, surprisingly her father ask her to divorce and not letting me seeing her, I drive back to KL midnight again really don know wat to do, but i only can call and call till she pick up to persue her back home to resolve business issue than only talk forgiveness... of course after that every difficult moment pasted.
That to me is a nightmare, a nightmare caused me have a though of revenge... but i kept control myself not to think such way, after years past Annabelle born a 2nd child we had i lose the feeling with her and revenging though getting stronger.. till 4 years back i getting tired already facing her so i start proposing to divorce...
within this few years, I kept notifying her not to be very lazy, get up early, have some hobby, follow me for photoshooting, even a bit initiative to do house cleaning more often (of course i be the one all the while do cleaning at home until she felt malu only acting helping but my style till need me to voice everything too late)... just like in Kuching i don like my wife to sleep too late in the morning, so that can help mum or accompany mum or u to go market, but never did, can tell not even helping do house cleaning works in Kuching right.... i really tired to speak and remind again...
Talk about revenge again, I been clean without any affair for the past 5 years, clean totally clean so than i propose divorce, cause her father has no reason to look for gangster to talk to me like the past incident... so let them even get private investigator i also not worrying hahaha I just like her to taste as well when i really tired and forced me to choice divorce as punishing her,,,, i judge to be a fair and equal way to treat wat she given me that nightmare before...
Kids still love their daddy, cause these years i more closer than their mother to them.. even if i m not around outstation for week, they will even more miss me... cause i able to make them happy... childhood i will really make sure they will be very enjoy and happy.... ask mum don worry to her grandson and draught...
siew foong, Jo.. those are past I m still looking for someone can really suit me and understand me... they all not qualified, my mistake though ipeng can but too tired for me to look into her cause she can't... 4 years already not a fast and over react decision... I know wat i m doing... maybe my writting above very mass, but this is whole issue... I may be a devil I not a good man for ... Sis u are right with you strong torn tq by understand me cause u will only blaming me rather to discuss cause 1st few sentense I already wrong Siew Foong, Jo now Ipeng hahaha so wat so wat lah.... love is all about feeling, when the feeling gone that is, kids nds love i know why i do not know but after divorce i will still care them and that is sufficient already.. chow i will discommunicate with u all and i will even not discuss with Andrew if u all think asking him to talk to me i won't, worse resign loh....
I had been crying and calling Aunt Jasmine about this, and she just asked me to let go, because all these emails and whatever he said doesn’t matter anymore. I have to learn to put it down already. As I got children to take care and no more 10 years to waste…
記住該記住的,忘記該忘記掉的;
改變能改變的,接受不能改變的。
有些事我們無法控制,只能控制自己;
有些人我們無法改變,只能改變自己!