Suffering…

Today I had been almost half a day busy with the site marking and met up with Yeap and Andy at Bangsar South regards to the site marking, the problems arises and the solutions for each floor of that.

Almost 2:30pm I am back to the office, I tried my best to concentrate back to my works, but the ‘divorce’ things just hang in my mind, my brain and everything. When I think back, I cannot controlled my tears from my eyes. And, at the same time, I have to work out the alimony to reply him back. It is really hard time, and at the same time I have to negotiate with him.

Jess did see that, and ask me just let go of it. Now, two children are everything to me now. And, I have to take care of them and concentrate my energy and focus on them instead. He is changing already. I told her, I really do not know how long will I need to overcome this ‘transition’ period.

I left the office around 4:30pm, then I received a friend called. He told me that, he did consult his pastor in the church on my case. His pastor gave him the advice, asking me to tell the girl that I am his wife, and confront him.

Because in the Christianity, marriage is a very is lifelong commitment to one's spouse, and nothing else. Even so, if the pastor come to know about it, he would not manage for their marriage either.

I replied to him that: what can I do now? If I am confront him now to the girl, it will make the situation worst only, as they are now so deeply in love.Two of them would be suffered, and at the same time, my relationship with him is just like a cracked mirror that cannot be repaired.

Divorce is the only way which both of us walk out from the marriage. He had the hatred towards me, even I still love him. But he treats me like his enemy. There is really no more future ahead us…

I do not know when I will forgive him totally, but at least I have to start doing it now, just let him go, so that I can move on, together with two children.

It is true that I am suffering now..but I know without suffering, I cannot grow. I am trying not to run away from my sufferings now, instead I want to embrace it and cherish it...Look deeply in my mind and heart, I hope with the understanding and compassion I have, I will be able to heal the wounds in my heart, and I'll let 'him' go someday..for sure, he will be living inside my heart there for the good things he had done in my life...