Confession…

Last night, it was around 10:30pm that Issac asked me to call him, because he wanted to talk to his Daddy. I called him, he picked up the call, but in a very stunned tonality. He just told me, “Can I call you back tomorrow?”. Then, he just put down the phone. I sensed there is something was not right on that, because his tonality was so different. The background shown that he was at outdoor.

I felt not so good. I called again. He picked up. “The children want to talk to you.” “OK. Then you passed the phone to them” I just passed the phone to Issac, then after that was Annabelle’s turn. The children passed back the phone to me. “How are you? Is there anything wrong? Because you sound so different compared to evening when I talked to you just now. Are you sure that you are OK?” He just kept quite. “You just don’t get too pressure on your work ya,”

Around 11:00pm, friend told me that probably he was at the LCCT airport, because his girl friend was arriving today, a business trip coming back from Kota Kinabalu.

Around midnight 12:00am, he called again. He sounds like driving back. He started to cry and tell me…our divorce actually did not involve 3rd party, he had been thinking of and about that since last year December, but it is the day that he baptized, he had found someone that he think is his true love, because he had found someone that think alike, dress alike, eat alike, and so many things in alike the same way… When I told him I knew about that, he was so anxious to know where and how I got to know. I just tell him, I know it from his Facebook page, because there is a small little statement he wrote on her wall.

“I knew that already, after the day you emailed to me about the divorce. Just I think I do not want to tell anyone, because during the first time affair, I admitted I did wrong by telling it to my relatives, but this time I do not want to do the same mistake again. I also do not want to confront you, because what can I do? It will make you and her more suffer only, because you and her are so in love, and when I know the way you in love and put all your efforts into it. What I want and can do is just sign the paper and let you go.”

“I did tell you on the other day, your biggest burden or pressure is me only, if our divorce thing had been settled, then it will take away your biggest pressure and burden already.”

Then, he told me, he told the girl friend the truth, and she cannot accept it as she think that he is trying to cheat her and he is like other man, just want to play and flirting around only.

“You know what? All these while, the past 1 month, I had been suffered and crying almost every night, even I am not a Christian, but I am asking God, why and how could you just deleted 3 of us into your life recycle bin just like that, and you can just re-start a brand new life? But now, He had shown to me that He did change you today, because you tell me the truth, at least it is good that you have a religion beliefs and choose to go back to Him.”

I asked him, I do not understand why he tell her the truth, because I thought you will continue being like that after our divorce, then will be smoothly get together with her already. He told me, that is because he loves her so much, and he does not want to cheat her anymore. “Why are you so, I do not what to say…but this might not be the end, because God sure will listen and hear your prayers. You and her might be together again, who knows?”

He said, here with you definitely divorce already, but with her he think is definitely no more, because he knows her characters. End of the tele-conversation, he just told me that, he feels so sorry to me and both Annabelle and Issac, of being like this. He asked me to be truthful to him, if there is anything, just do not hide or shy away from him. He told, he will be sleeping at Ah Heng’s place for these few days.

It was almost 1:00am when I put down the phone. I called the friend. Friend told me no, but he asked me to listen only what he had said, just don’t trust him.

I do not know, I feel a bit relief yesterday, probably because I do not need to hide anything from him anymore.

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This morning, Jessie told me the same too, as what I had told the lawyer, the lawyer must be told him already, that is why he is now just sweet talk to me, because of the divorce paper.

Jessie just asked me, “Ipeng, there is no love from him to you already. Just forget him, and concentrate all your efforts on yourself and your kids. Protect your rights.”

I feel so confused. Is that a trick again? All those he told me is lies again? He is asking us to be truthful but he never do that when talks to me?

When I came back home, I saw his car and he locked the door and wanted to go off. I called him, he stopped and waved at me. I walked towards him, he looked tired and I can feel that, he does not want to look at me into my eyes. There is something not right about that.

Together we fetched Issac, had our dinner at Bliss 33 Bistro. During the dinner, he did not talk much, and ate not much, his eyes was so swollen. Is is because he cried yesterday? After the meals, we go and fetch Annabelle. When he sent us back, he does not even want to look at me, and that face again.

I checked his email again, and it seems like he had enrolled a legal advisor website. The time is this morning only. I just asked friend to keep me in a loop, is it what he had told me last night is the truth?