My Subconscious Mind Tell Me…

I woke up around 7:15am. It is considered a bit late if compare to our usual Saturday. Normally, Saturday we got 2 art classes, one is 8:00am at school art class for Issac and the other one is 11:30am for both Issac and Annabelle at SS18 Subang Jaya.

It was an awful dream I had, and it feels so real. He and I were discussing on the terms and conditions on the divorce. I was so angry and arguing, so was him. We were talking about the insurance and other matters too. Till, I was so angry and told him that I knew who is the girl…Then, we were pushing each other and fighting…The background was so dark and in a reddish orange like colour. Then, I was awake.

I feel so awful and sad. They said dreams is the images or reflect what is in your subconscious mind. This mean, down deep in my mind or heart, I still got the hatefulness within me towards him. I thought all these days, almost 2 weeks that I keep on holding on strong, and trying to ask myself to forgive, I would be going through all these matters…

True enough, to forgive really is the most and hardest thing to do. I thought I am able to, but if I am think back now, if I truly let go already, I would not be able to keep on writing and writing here, day by day, none stop just to jot down my feelings…

My hatefulness still there, deep inside me…I acknowledged that and please, God give me the strength and wisdom to forgive and let go the burden within…