This morning I woke up around 2:00am, he was awake, took his bath, changing the cloth and get ready to go to airport already. Then, I heard our house main door opened and the sliding door sound. He just walked out, I thought it must be sometimes before he came inside the house, as I was awaked by the noise again, especially in this quite hours.
He walked in the bedroom, looked at Annabelle and Issac before he was going to leave the house. I just asked him, as I thought he was gone already because I heard the door sound. He said, he was going to car to take something.
Then, he just sat on our bed and tried to squeeze a place for himself and want to get some sleep. I just slept close to Annabelle. He was sleeping closing to me, and put his arm over my body. I let him and I tried to rest tight onto his arm too. I feel so stone and tight.
He was holding my hand and keep on circulating on my palm. I said softly, “I was old already. You are holding on a rough arm, I am not as young as before.” He just whispered into my ear, “No, you still have your charm.” His another hand touching my leg, then he was kissing me. I let him kissed but I just closed my lips.
I tried to push him away, and asked him,”What is wrong with you today? Are you alright? There must be something wrong with you today that you are behaving like this.”
We were standing at the living room. He looked at me sadly. Is he feeling guilty for what he had done to us? He hugged me. My both arms were crossing over in front of me.
“You are doing this, is it because I am willing to sign the divorce paper with you?” I was smile in a bitter way while saying this. He looked at me with his sad face. Holding my both arms behind him, and hugged me again.
It was started to rain heavily. Brother Andrew came. I just accompanied to the car with the umbrella. Brother Andrew saw me and greeted me, asking about the children and myself. I just told him we are doing fine.
I watched him leaving inside the car to the LCCT Airport..
Why he was acting like that? Is it the feelings of guilty or love? I think there is no more love for him to me already…His heart already has no room for me, but another woman is living inside there.
Deep down bottom my heart, I guess this was probably the last and closest physical touch that we had as a husband and wife.
God, please give me the strength so that I can forgive him for what he had done to us and our life…And, still a need the strength to put through all this piece and pieces road ahead.
直到堅強是你唯一的選擇。
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