Broken Trophy 28 Mar 2012

This is Annabelle’s 3 Years Old trophy from Tadika Brainchild for the Most Helpful in her 3 Love 1 class. It was actually a surprise to me, as she was always a pampered girl kind of kid. Always throwing her tantrums and likes to scream. She is vice-versa in the school which is so totally different in the home. I was very pleased when got to know that she got this prize!

Daddy accidently crashed into the low cabinet and her trophy dropped on the floor and broken into 3 pieces. He was rushing out to go out from the house at night. And, he did not bother to take a lot of what he was accidentally dropped. I was really so mad and angry, because this is Annabelle’s first ever trophy!

A Torturing Tuesday… the Truth…

I received his SMS this morning as early as 3:45am. It was so happened that I had a stomachache and I have to wake up and go to the toilet. Frankly, the past whole week, I did not even have a good sleep at all….

“I m still at site working hehe tonight extreme energetic not feel sleepy at all work with my smoke pipe, which I realize this my life free n committed with work..satisfaction n I thing this is wat I want finally, with god always with me supporting me..ni separation doesn’t mean we ve to be enemy u know too long attaching I think is time to cool dn n ve both some dreams n freedom..kids growing up day by day, capitalizing getting heavy…

I will still commit to d responsibility of d family only I nd more concentration to wk one day I may join Taisei flying oversea project u n kids ve to get use where I m not around ni pls understand me don bush around thought affair issue…I m clean n kids n u future still my 1st priority if although we separated… tq…”

For this past whole week, I am not really in the conditions of working. I really wish my interior design project with Jessie and Yeap can quickly come in, thus I still can make my mind clear.

I am home writing blog, then I suddenly saw the children iPad lay on the bed, just take on and play on it. I incidentally opened the email tab, I found out that, under the sent column, there are 2 emails heading indicated is a love email written from my husband to the lady…Suddenly it disappeared as I was unable to retrieve it and read on. I think he must be suspect something, that he erased all the records of his email. I saw it, one of it even using the wording in the bible to quote it.

My Gosh!! Then, what is the sms he message me about?

A great liar, he had been cheated me for more than 5 1/2 years…

If there is really a God up there, please send your sign to support me…I really do not know how long it will take…It seems like every seconds, minutes, hours, days and nights, I am the one who are suffering? Should it be the way? It’s really unfair to me, and the children?

                        *****                 *****               *****

I had wrote an email replied to him.

Around 4:30pm, when I was taking my bath, I heard the door locks opened and he came back. I would not have any ideas if he had read that email.

He walked in, put down his bag, then he said he want to have a hair cut, and went out again. He looks tired, as he did not sleep at all last night, I can understand that.

I looked at my watch, 4:45pm. I did ironing for the kids school uniform and few of his pants and shirt.

Sharp 5:30pm, he came back while I had finished my ironing. I am ready to walked out and asked him, whether he would like to fetch Issac together from school?

He just shacked his head, and told me that, he cannot stand it, he felt sleepy. He’ll sleep after his bath.

Before I went out, I told him to sleep in the room instead, because after the children came back, I am afraid will disturb his sleep.

Today the children have the music class. After I fetched Issac, he was so happy when he saw his Daddy is back, he just rushed to the room, kissed and hugged his Dad. I told him that, Daddy is very tired, and unable to accompany him to the music class. Mummy is the one. He nodded his head, took the bath happily and we went out to fetch Annabelle and we went to the Musikgarten class together.

I was so tired. Really tiring…but thank God is that, they enjoyed the music class. Just then, till the parent time, I saw two of them ran towards me, to join them for the class. I saw Issac kept on looking out of the door, it seems like he is waiting for a miracle: his Daddy…

My heart feels so sorrow when I watched his face expressions.

In the car, I cannot helped myself, my tears falling down, and I told the children, Mummy’s eyes very pain.

Issac told Annabelle, “Belle, Daddy is back. You cannot be noisy because Daddy feeling tired ar…” Annabelle just told her brother, “OK, this is make Daddy feels better, right?”

Wordless, I do have a pair of caring kids…my tears can’t stop dropping down.

His daddy was sleeping, when we back. I just asked the children do not disturb their Daddy…

I really hope he can see his children, from my eyes…

A Creation Deer 25 Mar 2012

This is another round of creation by Issac using big block bricks. It is a beautiful deer! I am so proud of him, as such tender young age, he already loves to create something out of scratch!

         

A Moody Monday…

After I sent the kids, I came back home and sat down.

Actual fact, there are so many things I thinking back…

The blue Proton Satria car using my name to get a hire purchase loan, then using by another woman;

All the personal loan using my name too, just because he was unable to get the loan due to his bankruptcy issues, finally he is freed from that, whereby I am still stuck in all the loans applicant and repayment person, he is paying it still;

All these while, I want a better living environment for both kids, he was keeping mentioned that because I am not hygiene enough to take care the house;

All the not coming back because he need to rush the projects things, are all lies, he got another rented apartment with another woman outside, paying her phone bills, paying the rent, the internet, everything and everything, etc.

Just once in a while, buy me a new laptop, a new watch, a new hand phone, a new handbag, a new purse, and I was so excited and happy about it, so appreciate…

And, all these 7 years of marriage, what a hard time he gave me? How he treats another woman? I think I am just a biological mother to his 2 children, for him.

Annabelle is almost 4 1/2 years old now. He is maintaining his relationship with another woman for almost 5 1/2 years. And, according to him, he just settled.

Then, here comes a new one.

Why? Why?

I had been living with a man that I totally do not know at all, am I?

And, where is the man I knew when I was getting marry?

Gosh, what will the children think of their Daddy is a person like that?

Especially Issac, he is very adore his Daddy, and Daddy is a super hero Daddy for him.

I prayed that he will never find this out, because he is such a very sensitive boy and unconfident boy. I have to take more time to shape him out, be a brave and responsible boy.

Last Wednesday until today is the 6th day, I just cannot keep on drowning like that…I will die sooner or later.

I have to think what am I going to do.

Like Lionel said, “Too Yi Peng, these few days I recalled back you are such a great achiever during your schooling time. Please get up. This is your stage! Your ShowTime is NOW!”

THIS IS MY STAGE, I DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE JEOPARDISED MY LIFE STAGE!

AND I AM ON AIR NOW!

Our Playground USJ1 25 Mar 2012

Both of us woke up early in the morning.

He told me he wanted to go to the church St. Ignatius Petaling Jaya around 10:30am. This is the first time he went back after 30 years according to him leaving the Catholic Church.

We had our usual breakfast with the kids at the Factory Food Court nearby our house. During the breakfast, he did not order the food for me, just for the kids.

He just asking something about the buying property can do the withdrawal from the EPF. I did ask him, why is there any interesting property that he looking at? Which area can be invest? He said, it is nothing, just seeing only.

“This thing previously if I bring up to you earlier on, you would never think and consider about it.”

“All these while, you are the kind of person do not want any commitment at all.” He just looked at me and said nothing.

We went to the playground that I went with the children yesterday. Both are so happy. There were no people there as usual, except 2 person. One is walking on the reflexology stone pave, and the other middle aged man is doing the Taichi.

He just walked towards the reflexology stone pave, took off his shoes and walked on it. I am the one who are playing with the kids.

I think Issac knew it, because he kept on asking me to snap photos of him while playing. Annabelle is playing the swings.

After a while, around 9:30am, he told the children went back to the house. Before leaving the playground, Issac was walking towards to the middle aged man, and the middle aged man looked at him and said, “Young boy, you are so lucky and blessed, because your Daddy is bringing you come to the playground.”

At that moment, it is really strikes my heart, thinking: is he listening to whatever that man told our son? I can feel my tears came out from my heart.

We packed a Roti Planta at the mamak stall then we went back home. He took his bath, then went out to Church. Before leaving, I requested a hug from him. he refused to do so…

The children and I just stayed at home playing Lego, then it was around 2:00pm when I wanted to bring them out for the KFC as lunch, the rain started down pour heavily. I just postponed a bit later, then he came back. Never said a word and talked to me, just bring all of us went to KFC.

After the meals, drove us back home. He just packed a few things and go off. Before leaving, he said,” Do you consider whatever I emailed to you?”

“ I just replied to you, didn’t I?”

“So, you just want me to reply to you in the email lah?”

“I do want you to reply me in the email or anything, but I just want to know why now? Earlier on, mentioned that wait for the children to grow up, but suddenly so rush for it?”

He just walked out, when I was asking him where is he going? he said, “Find a comfortable place for me to work lah, I’ll be back when I work till I tired.”

He really do not seeing into my eyes when we are talking. Very annoying looks.

For the first time, I felt so it is an unusual Sunday that normally that we had together with the children. I cried after he went out.

Annabelle and Issac were playing the Lego, they saw it. “Koko, mummy is crying and sad. We do together the high high cake for Mummy,ok? Then, she will feel better.”

She took her just completed Lego and gave it to me, “Mummy, are you feeling better now? ok?” She smiled at me. I looked at Issac, Issac just looked at me with a very quite face…

What a pair of wonderful children I had…

Big Donuts 23 Mar 2012

These two big donuts are actually memo pad. The design itself look so real. Well, these two were bought by the children’s daddy. He said, it look cute thus he bought two for the kids.

                   

The children kind of love it!

A Tea…

I called Huey Fang yesterday, asked for a tea appointment. She said after her court session at Shah Alam finished, she will call me.

After sending kids, I am home. Around 10:30am, Huey Fang called me. We decided to meet somewhere near Sunway Pyramid. Eventually we met in the Starbuck Coffee in the shopping mall.

We have a chat. I am just asking on some of the process of the legal procedures if just in case any divorce occurred. We chatted for almost 2 1/2 hours. We talked about men, their characters, behaviors, thinking, etc. I cried, cried, and again cried…Huey Fang just accompanied me.

We left Sunway Pyramid around 2:00pm, she got to go back to her office, then have an evening class on pursue her study of Law in University Malaya later at 5:30pm.

She asked me to be stronger to go through this…

I back home. Truly, I really unable to work. Fetch both kids, dinner, playing. Then, he came back around 9:30pm, with a very tired look. Took his bath, change clothes, took a few CDs, and the 434 coffee powder, and told me that he need to go back office and work.

He hugged Issac. Then just walked out from the house.

I noticed that he forgot the coffee powder, I called him and said I’ll pass the bottle to him. He just looked at me, said “ Sleep early and take care of the children. Remember to lock the padlock.”

How long am I, together with the children are going to go through this?