Church Membership

This afternoon we received a WhatsApp message in our family group chat. It is a message from him.

Dear Koko and Mei Mei, I have things to tell u all.  This Thursday church will have a membership interview with me at 830pm.  Daddy admits I am not a person who follows thy commandments I may choose to release as a church member and retrieve my temple recommend.  Let me find out where am I and what to choose ya.  The following advice like to highlight for the coming event:

1) Koko end May 24 we will still be in Bangkok temple but I won’t be witness you in the temple ya cause I cannot enter.   But no matter how I will be with u all in Bangkok.

2) Koko you are a Melchizedek priesthood already, and a well grown up gentleman.  Daddy is proud of you and Mei Mei for self-learning and being so obedient children.

3) This is always my family which I will be taking care of ya.

Don’t worry about me.  I have very strong faith in the Father in Heaven, he still and the Holy Ghost always guide me on every path I go.  I still pray and listen to thy message.

I love you all ya.❤️

I can feel my heart aching when I read his message. I feel disappointed and sad as he is considering to give up his church membership. I have treasured my church membership so much that it is the most precious account that I could have in the world. I do not understand why he can treat it so lightly. I feel pain and broken again. It is the feeling that I felt once a long time ago, now after 12 years I feel it again.

I try my best not to judge but why does he still think that the Holy Ghost is with him? “the Spirit of the Lord doth not dwell in unholy temples” (Helaman 4:24). Even though we have received the gift of the Holy Ghost, the Spirit will dwell with us only when we keep the commandments. He will withdraw if we offend Him by profanity, uncleanliness, disobedience, rebellion, or other sins. This is not the path that Heavenly Father asked him to walk. Instead, Alvin using his agency to choose his own path now.

I hope my instinct is wrong. I feel as if he is considering or maybe wanting to convert the woman to Christian as she is an Indonesian Muslim. Or either he would consider to change religion? I do not know, but I do know that since long ago, whenever he fell in love with someone, he would be madly madly in love and would do things like this. I am not sure but this is not the first time he being through this. It happened before during our divorce. I feel heartache or rather heartbreak again…

My heartbreak is merciless grief that comes in waves, depriving me of both appetite and sleep. It is a shard that never goes away from my stomach, though maybe the edges will get softer with time. In quiet moments, it short circuits my head and chokes my breath, feeling as real as death and bereavement. What was once whole is shattered; where once was peace is emptiness, echoes of love I put my everything into.

Those feelings appeared again… I feel as if Alvin and I are not made for each other because this is the second chance we have and still we end up like this. Both of us could not compliment or complete each other, instead, we became the worst version of ourselves which is not the best couple and friends for each other. End up he could not keep or uphold his covenants and become better.

I told Annabelle and Issac that I must be madly in love with their dad during the premortal life, that I must keep on begging and convincing Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ that Alvin and I must be together when we come to earth. That is the reason why we are here we are now. Both their dad and mummy got so many opportunities to fix and repair but still in vain.

My heart was overflowing with gratefulness for the gospel and the abundance of spiritual gifts that had arrived to support, guide, and assist me, especially my two little angels who lift me every time. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me and my family, and I know my Redeemer lives!

Guiding Light by Annie Henrie Nader. Image via AltusFineArt.com

Lead kindly light, amid th’encircling gloom. Lead thou me on! The night is dark, and I am far from home; Lead thou me on! Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see The distant scene – one step enough for me. ~ Lead, Kindly Light; Hymn 97

You are a Daughter of God

My mind was cluttered with all sorts of conversations, reactions, responses, facial expressions, tonalities, and how I felt yesterday when I woke up in the morning. Today is a Monday, and yes, I need to focus my mind and thoughts on what I am supposed to on my work and children.

I noticed there was a WhatsApp message on my handphone early in the morning, but I was too busy to open and look at it. After almost came to an end of a day work, I checked all the messages and realized that this morning message was by a sister in the Church.

I was so touched and my eyes filled with tears when I read her beautiful message. I just feel as the message was from the Lord delivered specifically just for me:

Hi dear! Am thinking about you and feeling sorry for the things you are going through now. I know it hurts a lot because of your deep love towards your hubby. I learn through the years is not having to beg to be loved . It has to be given freely and through the heart.

I know you have been living up to your covenant path diligently and righteously but sometimes things happened in our life because Heavenly Father see things we do not and He has better plan for us.

We just need to trust Him and continue living in faith knowing blessing will come eventually for those who stay steadfast and immovable despite the challengers we are going through.

Enduring to the end is a hard process but it is glorious in the end.

You are a great example to your kids and they will cherished you for all that you have gone through for them to stay in the covenant path.

Believe me when I say it is hard now for you but it will be better has you listen to the still small voice guiding you in the things you should do.

You deserve to be happy so don't give in the Satan for trying so hard to break you down.

Remember who you are - YOU ARE A DAUGHTER of GOD and you are loved, cherished, and watched over by your FATHER in HEAVEN.

We love you too.

Light Bearers by Annie Henrie Nader. Image via AltusFineArt.com

That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light growth brighter and brighter until the perfect day. ~ Doctrine & Covenants 50:24

I am pondering about what I have been through in my marriage for the past almost 10 years - before I know the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ and ever since became the member of the Church after our second R.O.M. What were the things that I missed out on this second marriage and causes this happened today, again?

It is hurtful to think back to the past,open up the wound, dig it deep and re-look for the second time again. There indeed must be something I had missed out and not sensitive enough to listen to the prompting of the Holy Ghost, that I had missed my opportunities to fix and repair our relationship.

A second thought, I feel as enough is enough, may be it is time that we should end here after so many years of infidelity and he has no more feelings towards me. It is time to move forward… May be the message was in just-in-time.

VIVIAN HSU《不愛自己現在的樣子 Letting Go》

VIVIAN HSU《不愛自己現在的樣子 Letting Go》

 

///Song Credit

演唱 Performer｜徐若瑄 Vivian Hsu

詞 Lyricist｜徐若瑄 Vivian Hsu

曲 Composer｜江承柏 Ray Jiang

製作人Producer｜陳建瑋 Jacky Chen

編曲 Arrangement｜張晁毓 Dato Cha

 

聽著一首歌

把心事留在這裡

懂我的人能不能是你

好無力 好可惜 好擁擠

 

好多不快樂 都變得身不由己

淡淡的表情 也都得用盡力氣

我知道相愛也不容易

揮不去 回不去 會嘆息

讓我開始否定自己的人 是你

 

一直說愛我的人

一次次傷得我更深

一道道留下的疤痕

你怎麼忘了有多疼

我真的不愛自己 現在的樣子

用沈默說話的人

 

一點點累積 那些瑣碎的事情

碎得我們都無能為力

安靜了 願意了 相信了

愛到最後是等誰開口說 不愛了

 

一直說愛我的人

一次次傷得我更深

一道道留下的疤痕

你怎麼 忘了有多疼

我真的不愛自己 現在的樣子

假裝堅定 努力拼湊幸福的樣子

 

Oh~

忘了有多疼

我是我 你還是你 都做回自己

不必微笑 努力拼湊 我們的樣子

 

一直說愛我的人

一次次傷得我更深

一道道留下的疤痕

你怎麼忘了有多疼

時間不等人 愛 它無所不能

我們的明天 各自 好好的

 

              ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***

 

我真的不愛自己

現在的樣子

假裝堅定

努力拼湊幸福的樣子

Your Happily Ever After

Today I could feel Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ talked to me through the talks by the assigned speakers. Sister Leeza was giving a talk “Your Happily Ever After” by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf who was the Second Counselor in the First Presidency in April 2010.

I feel as if I needed the most to hear words like this now and it is so inspiring and comforting words. Sister Leeza shared what President Uchtdorf in his talk that all the mothers and leaders that everyone desires to be heroes and heroines in their own stories, to triumph over adversity, experience life in all its beauty, and live happily ever after. He taught that Heavenly Father offers to us the greatest gift of all—eternal life—and the opportunity and infinite blessing of our own “happily ever after.”

President Uchtdorf asked the young women to think back to their favorite fairy tale.

"In that story, the main character may be a princess or a peasant; she might be a mermaid or a milk maid, a ruler or a servant," he said. "You will find one thing all have in common — they must overcome adversity."

“Sandwiched between their “once upon a time” and “happily ever after,” they all had to experience great adversity. Why must all experience sadness and tragedy? Why could we not simply live in bliss and peace, each day filled with wonder, joy, and love?”

“The scriptures tell us there must be opposition in all things, for without it we could not discern the sweet from the bitter.”   

2 Nephi 2:11, 15

11 For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my firstborn in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility.

15 And to bring about his eternal purposes in the end of man, after he had created our first parents, and the beasts of the field and the fowls of the air, and in fine, all things which are created, it must needs be that there was an opposition; even the forbidden fruit in opposition to the tree of life; the one being sweet and the other bitter.

“In stories, as in life, adversity teaches us things we cannot learn otherwise. Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that comes in no other way. Our loving Heavenly Father has set us in a world filled with challenges and trials so that we, through opposition, can learn wisdom, become stronger, and experience joy.”

I feel like Heavenly Father is listening to me. My prayers were heard by him. He wants me to become the daughter He wants me to be because He is aware of everything I am going through and everything I have experienced thus far.

Heavenly Father is aware of my abilities and potential. He never fails to tell me that I am God's daughter and have divine potential that I simply must discover.

“My dear young sisters, you need to know that you will experience your own adversity. None is exempt. You will suffer, be tempted, and make mistakes. You will learn for yourself what every heroine has learned: through overcoming challenges come growth and strength.”

“It is your reaction to adversity, not the adversity itself, that determines how your life’s story will develop.”

This actually what Annabelle and Issac trying to tell me about, that I might fall to the Satan’s trap if I ever continue to dwell in my own misery and blaming this or that. Satan enjoys casting filthy and cruel thoughts into our minds. He wants us to think about these things and then act upon them. Satan takes great pleasure in our discouragement. He wants us to think that the things that are depressing us will always be there. That is what he is trying to do now unto me.

I was astounded, and this message seems to be Heavenly Father speaking to me. He is the one who knows me the best—even I know myself. Rather than continuing to live in my own misery, he is urging me to look at my adversity in a different perspective – His perspectives.

“If you ever feel your burden is too great to bear, lift your heart to your Heavenly Father, and He will uphold and bless you. He says to you, as He said to Joseph Smith, “[Your] adversity and [your] afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then, if [you] endure it well, God shall exalt [you] on high.” 

“Enduring adversity is not the only thing you must do to experience a happy life. Let me repeat: how you react to adversity and temptation is a critical factor in whether or not you arrive at your own “happily ever after.”

All I have to do now is focus on my areas of weakness and move in that direction because I'm so touched! I love Him so much and am so grateful of what He wants me to know. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen!

Kuala Lumpur District Young Women Camp 16-18 September 2022

This year the KL District Young Women Camp was organized from 16 – 18 September 2022 at Janda Baik Radiant Site B. The theme of this year is “Hear Him”.

“A fountain of pure water” and “ thicket of small trees” (Mosiah 18:5) – the prophet Mormon used these words to describe the place where Alma hid after fleeing from King Noah.

Those trees and what water became “beautiful… to the eyes” of the people who joined Alma there. Why? Because in that place, Alma and his people “came to the knowledge of their Redeemer” (Mosiah 18:30).

The location of Young Women Camp – whether it is in a forest, in a park, on a beach, or in a meetinghouse – can become beautiful to the eyes of all who gather there. Like Alma and his people, young women need a place where they can gather together, separate from worldly influences, feel the Spirit of the Lord, grow in unity and love, and strengthen their faith and testimonies of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.

Before departing to the camp, all the young women were assigned a sister in their secret sister mission. All they need to do is do kind deeds for them, write them notes or letters, and prepare RM3.00 maximum, or not more than RM3.00 gift or handmade gift for the sister assigning to them.

On the first day, all the young women from Cheras, Kuala Lumpur, Petaling Jaya, and Puchong branches are to be gathered at Kuala Lumpur District Centre at 9.30 am, as there will be a bus to fetch them to their destination. They had their lunch once they reached the campsite.

Then, their huge project was to set up their sleeping tents in designated groups. They were able to unwind and spend time together, which made it extra enjoyable.

The young women played made bracelets, and braided each other's hair. They enjoyed playing enjoyable games at night and engaging in a variety of enjoyable activities during the day, all while experiencing the Spirit's presence. Annabelle said it was undoubtedly one of the most enjoyable experiences of her life.

They prepared their BBQ dinner which all the young women split into a few goups to share the preparation of their BBQ dinner: skewer group, rice cooker group, potato group, carrot group, and dishwasher group.

Rice Cooker Group

Skewer Group

Dishwasher Group

Carrot Group

Potatoes Group

BBQ Team

They were having a campfire during the night and having “Mallowtime” which is their young women campfire night’s tradition.

The leaders had something quite profound planned for the 3 days 2 nights program which made it quite simple to sense the atmosphere.

The second day was the highlight of the camp, where the young women had the river trekking.

They went into the nearby river and were guided by the professional camp master at the campsite.

They were having fun fishing with clothes, bug catching, relate some gospel principles while trekking.

The trainer gives the survival skill lesson and how to build a shelter using the basic materials that they can find in nature. In the afternoon they were having Zumba before devotional.

President Brown and his family traveled so far and shared with the young women an inspiring message during a devotional on “Hear Him”.

There was a skit competition between the groups, an arts and crafts session, and the “Sister of the Camp” during the night.

On the final day, all the young women need to take down their tents, dry, and pack the tents, and leave the campsite.

Annabelle had much too much fun at her first young women's camp after the COVID-19 pandemic, which was above and beyond what she had anticipated. She had a great time hanging out with these young women during her first-ever young women's camp.

She shared that she initially did not want to join as she had too many things on her mind that distracted her from school, friendships, and exams, but she was grateful she came to the camp where she could feel the Spirit and friendship with other young women.

I am grateful that she gained her testimony through attending the Young Women Camp.