Divorce…

I went to Jess’s office to print out the emails and kept in a folder. Later, I drove down to Kota Kemuning and kept the folder in Aunt Jasmine’s house. Just in case, in the future one day I might need it.

She advised me I might think of getting myself a full time job instead, by looking at the situation like that. Because I need to work for a living. All these days really not easy for me…

I drove back home around 3:30pm. He called around 4:00pm.

“I had seek a lawyer today and asked some advice on the divorce. Out of my salary amounting RM7,500, after deducted EPF, Socso and Income Tax, remain only RM5,500, from there I proposed RM2,500 to give every month to settle all the personal loan, housing loan and the children daycare fees and etc.”

“This thing you have to call, and inform your father and your relatives about this. He can call whoever that want to beat me or whatever. Till now, I still cannot forget last time what he had told me and scolded me. And, now I am clean.”

At first, I am was calm and not so angry, until he brought up the last time things and started to scold my dad and my families.

“ Alvin Yu, what ever you said is it whatever you did, only God knows.”

He replied, “I do not know what you mean. But, if you do not agree, I can also file in separately to the court, within 3 months you do not replied and find a lawyer to do it, it is considered deemed you have accepted the proposal already. And, RM2,500 only I am able to give to you, because I still need to look for my place to stay, etc.”

I just tell him let me think about it for this week and next, then I will replied to him. He asked me to do it quick as this month on the 23rd April he is flying back to Kuching for Papa’s 100 day ceremony, and he is going to inform the families after that.

In my heart, I really would not know what he is going to tell them, because he is going back alone…Or does it matter now?

Thinking of all the emails and letters he wrote to another woman, it is not matter now…I prayed give me the wisdom and courage to walk down the road ahead of me…

Perdana Botanical Garden Kuala Lumpur 1 Apr 2012

Not a bad Sunday morning. After gone through what I had last night, I woke up early in the morning, prepare some sandwiches, ham and sausages, everything put into the picnic basket.

Then, I woke both Issac and Annabelle up and we go together to the Taman Tasik Perdana around 7.30am.

It is early as Mummy hopes that reached there early to feel the fresh air before the hot sun raise up to the sky. Taman Tasik Perdana had changed the name already, to Perdana Botanical Garden. Times flies…and everything have change.

Both Issac and Annabelle were playing at the Children Playground. Perdana Botanical Garden have the biggest children playground that I have ever seen in Kuala Lumpur. And, it consists of so many types of designs themes and fun gadgets to play with.

We spent almost 2 hours there, have some snacks such as the mini hotdogs, peanut butter sandwiches, and mineral water. Both of the kids were sweating like nobody business. Luckily, I did bring a towel for them.

We left the park around 10.00am. Thinking of want to go and watch John Carter, but we are unable too as most of the major cinemas have not shown the movie anymore. We came back to home.

        

Their Daddy came back around 4:00pm with a very annoying face, and everything he sees but he is not looking into my eyes. Just passed me 2 boxes of ‘Siau Pau’ and egg tarts and the dirty laundry which he wanted to wash. Only T shirt and short for site visiting? I am really amazed.

I asked him if we can go to Summit USJ to buy Annabelle’s milk powder and baby wipes. Then, we went for our dinner. From the beginning until we came back to home, he just showing his annoying face to me…Am I look so annoying to him?

He slept early because he looks tired. I just asked the children play a bit softer as their Daddy was tired and need a good sleep. I really lucky because I do have a pair of gems with me…

He woke up in the midnight and hooked on the laptop again. Haiz…

But, really a good day which spent together with the kids this morning…

A Shattering Saturday…

Like another busy Saturday, I have to wake up Issac as usual for his school art class at 8:00am. He woke up quite early, as he said he need to go down to Pedas Linggi to settle some personal issues. Then, will go down to Malacca for a site visit.

I sent Issac go to class as usual, just asked him to look after Annabelle for a while, then after I came back from school. He just left the house, to site according to him. But eventually, I knew he is not…

I accompanied the children to their Teacher Alex Art Class, then we had our lunch at KFC. In the afternoon back at home, I did the usual weekly cleaning while both children were playing at the room.

I did give a call to him, just checking he is safely arrive at Malacca. Quite late then he called us back, nearly dinner time, around 6:30pm. He told me that, he stayed with the architect and contractors at Equatorial Hotel Malacca. During that time, the children were asleep already, because after they skipped the afternoon nap time.

I just toying around the ideas that he is with his new girl, lover. I just checking around his email and I discovered something new in his contacts lists. Finally, I had found all the emails where he kept and stored. I forwarded to my email address.

I read all those emails and my heart was pumping fast, faster and faster. I can feel my face, ears are turning red and warm, I can feel my anger within. All those things he mentioned to me and wrote to me, sms to me are all lies!!!!

He is not clean as he is claimed.

He wanted the divorce so badly is because he had found someone new, and she is his true love, and he believes this is the God’s Will that she came to his life…to change him, to lead him…

My mind was filled with hopes suddenly changed, and became clear…that I knew from the bottom from my heart, his heart is no longer with me…And, divorce is the only solution in front of us.

Friend asked me to forgive him and the girl.

I said, “What can I do? I got to accept the facts. I need to calm down. I need to think what is ahead of me. And, I would not have any ideas I would able to forgive him?”

“Why he do these things to me?"

After 10 years of being together, cannot compare to a less than 30 days affair?

A Tiring Thursday…

For the whole day, I had been thinking and crying ever since I had sent the children go to school…

Thinking of his decision…

Thinking of our past…

Thinking of our children…

Thinking of our withering love…

Thinking of his new blossomed love with another woman…

I drove down to Kota Kemuning.

Have a heartfelt cries.

Have a quite moment to think what am I going to do next.

The past few weeks of new love for him, he is going to scarifies his own family for his so called true love.

Divorce…is a word I would not think about it all these while, especially with the 2 lovely kids. This is not the first time, but is the second time. I do not have a lot of 10 years. Our relationship from start till now, it had been together for almost 10 years…

I felt so confused. I think definitely divorce is the answer…just how? Peacefully or Dramatically? Some how or rather, I really feel and hope that it is not true. But, the fact is, he is as cold as ice and really do not like previously anymore.

I left Kota Kemuning around 4:30pm. My car radiator temperature shoot up, I stopped by a car workshop, the mechanics found out that one of the pipe is leaking. Not time to waste and repair, I just requested a bottle of water in order just in case, during the journey back to home, it would not spoilt and break down. Eventually, I reached home safely, managed to fetch 2 kids back home.

I am not a Christian, but I do believe in God or the Creator. For this past week, while I was facing my difficult emotional time, some how or rather, I knew there is someone up there watching over me, I do not know is who, but I feel blessed. I hope I can and able to walk over this calmly and wisely, as I knew the road ahead is not a smooth or easy path…

A Withering Wednesday… A Withering Love…

Yesterday before he came back home, I had emailed to him:

FROM:

• Ipeng Too

TO:

• Alvin yu Shee thai

Tuesday, 27 March 2012, 15:02

Dear,

I have read your sms this morning...

You mentioned, about your feelings and the satisfactions, with the companion of God by your side, even though it is a tough night, you have and had went tru it...

I feel blessed that you enjoyed your works even in this very under pressure working environment, and yes God did hear you.

You said, Kids are growing everyday..

Yes, it is true.

And their expenditure are getting higher and higher and you do feel the same on your responsibilities to this family..

I understand.

All these years, I never stop you from chasing your dreams or the things you wanted to do, did I?

Motor Cycling?

Photography?

Religion Belief?

You did mention to me before that one night, you will probably join Taisei. I do know about it, because this will probably your another stepping stone, as Taisei is an international firm, i would feel happy too, if you can join them one day. A giant leap for your career. Posting to the overseas projects would gain you more experiences, and you are able to see, feel, talk to the different levels, nation of people, etc. A brand new experiences for you and your profile.

By that time, i would not stop you, because this is what a responsible man would do, to protect his own family.

When you are not around...

I would take care of our lovely kids at our home, here..

You asked me, tried to understand you, you will have to concentrate in work. I do and I did, for all these years...

My mind is very clear now, and glad, and blessed that you mentioned to me that your previous relationships with others had come to an end.

I did tell you, I do believe in God or Creator, did I?

That is why i feel bless now...

God have shown to me: His Love to my children and my family...He would not want our family to break up...

If the children and the family future is always your 1st priority, as you sms to me...you had made me wonder why a paper of separation is so important to you now and, so suddenly?

Just for the love to the children, please do not ask me to divorce...

Love,

Wife Nini

             *****                     *****                   *****

He came back late, around 1:30am. He watched the TV outside the living room. I walked out, actually my just want to accompany him, that is what really my heart wanted to do…

He told me…His decision on the divorce, for him, he wants it. He got no feelings towards me already. He had been thinking about it since last December, just how to tell me, in order we can still be friends, and the children will not affected. He still care and responsible for this family, the monthly expenses, etc. He just requested to come back and sleep at the sofa in the living room. He still can come back and see the kids.

I asked him, why suddenly the paper of separation is so important to him now?

He said, now he is age 40. Before age 30, he was thinking of does not want children; after age 30, he was thinking of want the children; and now, age 40 he feels like do not want a commitment, but it does not mean that he is not responsible for this family.

I told him, “I knew you, unless you do have another woman in your heart, unless the divorce means nothing compare to all the things you mentioned to me,”

“You do not deny, aren’t you?”

“I do not deny, doesn’t mean I have to admit. If I admit will make you feel happy, then I admit just to make you feel happy.” He continued, “And, I do not want to wait until I have find someone I love, then only I ask you for the divorce, I rather do it now, while I am clean.”

Then, he started to bring out all those past history, I ran back to Segamat with Issac, and left him only RM2,000 for the Chinese New Year during 2007; how my father insulted him; and he told me, if all those things did not happen before, our relationships would not end up like today. And, I am the cause of today’s divorce. He spoke to me angrily and just laid down on the sofa and sleep.

I told him with tears, “ There is sometimes, when I think back the past, or if one day, we do come to the day we end our relationships, I would like to apologies to you on that incidents, or may be I do not know how to handle the situation, causing you probably had done all those things out,”

“No, because I am the one who did wrong first,” He replied me coldly.

Before I went to sleep, he told me that, he had told brother Ambrose about the divorce thing, and he is agreed too. And, by this month he went back to Kuching, he’ll tell and inform the family about his decision.

I just said, “You are always the one who is doing the ‘filling’ first,”

“I would not wait until you go and inform the whole family,” He said.

He does not know, that I knew what is going on in his relationships now. And those words which came out from his mouth, really incompatible with what he is saying…

And, breaks my heart too…after all these years…

Broken Trophy 28 Mar 2012

This is Annabelle’s 3 Years Old trophy from Tadika Brainchild for the Most Helpful in her 3 Love 1 class. It was actually a surprise to me, as she was always a pampered girl kind of kid. Always throwing her tantrums and likes to scream. She is vice-versa in the school which is so totally different in the home. I was very pleased when got to know that she got this prize!

Daddy accidently crashed into the low cabinet and her trophy dropped on the floor and broken into 3 pieces. He was rushing out to go out from the house at night. And, he did not bother to take a lot of what he was accidentally dropped. I was really so mad and angry, because this is Annabelle’s first ever trophy!

A Torturing Tuesday… the Truth…

I received his SMS this morning as early as 3:45am. It was so happened that I had a stomachache and I have to wake up and go to the toilet. Frankly, the past whole week, I did not even have a good sleep at all….

“I m still at site working hehe tonight extreme energetic not feel sleepy at all work with my smoke pipe, which I realize this my life free n committed with work..satisfaction n I thing this is wat I want finally, with god always with me supporting me..ni separation doesn’t mean we ve to be enemy u know too long attaching I think is time to cool dn n ve both some dreams n freedom..kids growing up day by day, capitalizing getting heavy…

I will still commit to d responsibility of d family only I nd more concentration to wk one day I may join Taisei flying oversea project u n kids ve to get use where I m not around ni pls understand me don bush around thought affair issue…I m clean n kids n u future still my 1st priority if although we separated… tq…”

For this past whole week, I am not really in the conditions of working. I really wish my interior design project with Jessie and Yeap can quickly come in, thus I still can make my mind clear.

I am home writing blog, then I suddenly saw the children iPad lay on the bed, just take on and play on it. I incidentally opened the email tab, I found out that, under the sent column, there are 2 emails heading indicated is a love email written from my husband to the lady…Suddenly it disappeared as I was unable to retrieve it and read on. I think he must be suspect something, that he erased all the records of his email. I saw it, one of it even using the wording in the bible to quote it.

My Gosh!! Then, what is the sms he message me about?

A great liar, he had been cheated me for more than 5 1/2 years…

If there is really a God up there, please send your sign to support me…I really do not know how long it will take…It seems like every seconds, minutes, hours, days and nights, I am the one who are suffering? Should it be the way? It’s really unfair to me, and the children?

                        *****                 *****               *****

I had wrote an email replied to him.

Around 4:30pm, when I was taking my bath, I heard the door locks opened and he came back. I would not have any ideas if he had read that email.

He walked in, put down his bag, then he said he want to have a hair cut, and went out again. He looks tired, as he did not sleep at all last night, I can understand that.

I looked at my watch, 4:45pm. I did ironing for the kids school uniform and few of his pants and shirt.

Sharp 5:30pm, he came back while I had finished my ironing. I am ready to walked out and asked him, whether he would like to fetch Issac together from school?

He just shacked his head, and told me that, he cannot stand it, he felt sleepy. He’ll sleep after his bath.

Before I went out, I told him to sleep in the room instead, because after the children came back, I am afraid will disturb his sleep.

Today the children have the music class. After I fetched Issac, he was so happy when he saw his Daddy is back, he just rushed to the room, kissed and hugged his Dad. I told him that, Daddy is very tired, and unable to accompany him to the music class. Mummy is the one. He nodded his head, took the bath happily and we went out to fetch Annabelle and we went to the Musikgarten class together.

I was so tired. Really tiring…but thank God is that, they enjoyed the music class. Just then, till the parent time, I saw two of them ran towards me, to join them for the class. I saw Issac kept on looking out of the door, it seems like he is waiting for a miracle: his Daddy…

My heart feels so sorrow when I watched his face expressions.

In the car, I cannot helped myself, my tears falling down, and I told the children, Mummy’s eyes very pain.

Issac told Annabelle, “Belle, Daddy is back. You cannot be noisy because Daddy feeling tired ar…” Annabelle just told her brother, “OK, this is make Daddy feels better, right?”

Wordless, I do have a pair of caring kids…my tears can’t stop dropping down.

His daddy was sleeping, when we back. I just asked the children do not disturb their Daddy…

I really hope he can see his children, from my eyes…