A Withering Wednesday… A Withering Love…

Yesterday before he came back home, I had emailed to him:

FROM:

• Ipeng Too

TO:

• Alvin yu Shee thai

Tuesday, 27 March 2012, 15:02

Dear,

I have read your sms this morning...

You mentioned, about your feelings and the satisfactions, with the companion of God by your side, even though it is a tough night, you have and had went tru it...

I feel blessed that you enjoyed your works even in this very under pressure working environment, and yes God did hear you.

You said, Kids are growing everyday..

Yes, it is true.

And their expenditure are getting higher and higher and you do feel the same on your responsibilities to this family..

I understand.

All these years, I never stop you from chasing your dreams or the things you wanted to do, did I?

Motor Cycling?

Photography?

Religion Belief?

You did mention to me before that one night, you will probably join Taisei. I do know about it, because this will probably your another stepping stone, as Taisei is an international firm, i would feel happy too, if you can join them one day. A giant leap for your career. Posting to the overseas projects would gain you more experiences, and you are able to see, feel, talk to the different levels, nation of people, etc. A brand new experiences for you and your profile.

By that time, i would not stop you, because this is what a responsible man would do, to protect his own family.

When you are not around...

I would take care of our lovely kids at our home, here..

You asked me, tried to understand you, you will have to concentrate in work. I do and I did, for all these years...

My mind is very clear now, and glad, and blessed that you mentioned to me that your previous relationships with others had come to an end.

I did tell you, I do believe in God or Creator, did I?

That is why i feel bless now...

God have shown to me: His Love to my children and my family...He would not want our family to break up...

If the children and the family future is always your 1st priority, as you sms to me...you had made me wonder why a paper of separation is so important to you now and, so suddenly?

Just for the love to the children, please do not ask me to divorce...

Love,

Wife Nini

             *****                     *****                   *****

He came back late, around 1:30am. He watched the TV outside the living room. I walked out, actually my just want to accompany him, that is what really my heart wanted to do…

He told me…His decision on the divorce, for him, he wants it. He got no feelings towards me already. He had been thinking about it since last December, just how to tell me, in order we can still be friends, and the children will not affected. He still care and responsible for this family, the monthly expenses, etc. He just requested to come back and sleep at the sofa in the living room. He still can come back and see the kids.

I asked him, why suddenly the paper of separation is so important to him now?

He said, now he is age 40. Before age 30, he was thinking of does not want children; after age 30, he was thinking of want the children; and now, age 40 he feels like do not want a commitment, but it does not mean that he is not responsible for this family.

I told him, “I knew you, unless you do have another woman in your heart, unless the divorce means nothing compare to all the things you mentioned to me,”

“You do not deny, aren’t you?”

“I do not deny, doesn’t mean I have to admit. If I admit will make you feel happy, then I admit just to make you feel happy.” He continued, “And, I do not want to wait until I have find someone I love, then only I ask you for the divorce, I rather do it now, while I am clean.”

Then, he started to bring out all those past history, I ran back to Segamat with Issac, and left him only RM2,000 for the Chinese New Year during 2007; how my father insulted him; and he told me, if all those things did not happen before, our relationships would not end up like today. And, I am the cause of today’s divorce. He spoke to me angrily and just laid down on the sofa and sleep.

I told him with tears, “ There is sometimes, when I think back the past, or if one day, we do come to the day we end our relationships, I would like to apologies to you on that incidents, or may be I do not know how to handle the situation, causing you probably had done all those things out,”

“No, because I am the one who did wrong first,” He replied me coldly.

Before I went to sleep, he told me that, he had told brother Ambrose about the divorce thing, and he is agreed too. And, by this month he went back to Kuching, he’ll tell and inform the family about his decision.

I just said, “You are always the one who is doing the ‘filling’ first,”

“I would not wait until you go and inform the whole family,” He said.

He does not know, that I knew what is going on in his relationships now. And those words which came out from his mouth, really incompatible with what he is saying…

And, breaks my heart too…after all these years…