Letter to My Children

Today is a national holiday – Nuzul al-Quran. We had a good sleep throughout and woke up at about 9 a.m. Issac wanted to go to the nearest Puchong Prima photo studio to take his U.S. visa photo. Then we went for our lunch at Kopitiam near our home.

We decided to go to Main Place USJ21 to have some ‘lepak’ time in Starbucks as now Starbucks has every day during Ramadan month has RM5 on a second handcrafted beverage with any handcrafted beverage purchased. We got ourselves a chocolate cream chip and a peach passion blossom cream Frappuccino.

We had a good time spending time together doing our interest. We went to Popular for a while and we had our early dinner at Ayam Penyet Best Station. I am glad we had a good time together this afternoon.

This reminds me of the letter that I wrote to my children in my Institute assignment: list five or more promises that will help me “rear [my] children in love and righteousness, provide for [my children’s] physical and spiritual needs, and teach [my children] to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizen wherever they live” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,”) After each of the promises, I need to write to my children why I think it is so important that I, as their parents, fulfill that promises. And need to refer specifically to the sixth and seventh paragraphs of the family proclamation for ideas. Here is what I wrote:

Dear Children,

I promise to pray with you every day. I know it is important that you have a personal relationship with your Heavenly Father. I know He is there, and He will hear and answer your prayer. You can pray to Him anytime and anywhere.

I promise to study the scripture with you. I know you will find peace and strength to resist temptations when you study scriptures daily because scriptures are the words of God. You will invite the Holy Ghost into your life.

I promise to teach you by example how to budget time and resources. Teach you about self-reliance and the importance of preparing for your future. It encourages you to independent learning to unlock your potential and grow to be passionate and capable contributors to the work of salvation.

I promise to spend individual time with you, letting you choose the activities and the subject of conversation, and eliminating distractions by putting away electronic devices. I promise to help you create happy memories by building our family traditions, meaningful vacations, and wholesome activities.

I promise to be there and listen to you if you approach me with a problem, see issues from your point of view, and resist the urge to give you a solution. Instead, ask questions for clarification and arrive at a solution together. I want you to know it is ok if you make a mistake, and making a mistake does not affect my love for you.

Love,

Mother

Tender Mercies by Annie Henrie Nader. Image via AltusFineArt.com

This is a painting of a mother with her two children, and an angel supporting her. It is a sacred moment of sacrifice, endurance, and great love. This painting is also a tribute to the many tender mercies in our lives – the sweetness found in motherhood, and also the angels who come to our rescue in the form of friends and family. By seeing these tender mercies we come to know God’s great love for His children.

One Piggy, Two Pesos USJ Taipan

Today all 3 of us were busy with church activities. In the morning, Annabelle got her online seminary, after which Issac and I fetched her to the Asia Jaya LRT station as she had a girls’ outing with her friends to meet at Pasar Seni.

Issac came with me to church for the Puchong Branch Primary Service Project to clean the Church. After which he stayed at the Church for his YSA Devotional. I just drove back home, did some household chores, and had a nap. I must be so tired that I slept from noon to almost 4 pm.

While Annabelle was on LRT, she called and said that the sister missionaries would like her to join to teach a lesson to the new investigators at The Carpenter’s Daughter Artisan Bakery & Café. Issac was back at home from his YSA activity. We just waited for Belle to come home and went out together.

Both Issac and I dropped Belle at the café at USJ 9, and then we just drove around and searched for our dinner. After we discussed and made a few comparisons, we decided to go to Two Pesos. Two Pesos is well-known as a hot pot specialist.

Issac chose the Tajine Seafood Pot 一品海鲜塔吉锅, originating from South Moroccan classic cuisine.

It uses the notion of heat circulation in a tower to retain the water content in food materials while extracting the inherent moisture and taste of components—a truly natural seafood relish.

I just chose the Sesame Chicken Pot 酒香麻油鸡锅. It is an authentic Taiwanese way to savor delicious chicken.

In a dedicated pot, stir-fry finely sliced ginger in premium sesame oil before adding aromatic rice wine and distinctive soup broth. The best method to enjoy nourishing chicken soup.

We were almost finished when Annabelle called to say that her appointment with the sisters missionary was finishing and she had yet to have her dinner. Then, I just picked her up at the café, and she ordered Milky Seafood Pot 牛奶海鮮锅 when she reached Two Pesos.

It is derived from their top chef's secret recipe, the smooth, rich, and nutritious French-style milky soup is designed with the most enjoyable soup that will not be found anywhere else.

Issac took out his book and did his reading while waiting for Annabelle to finish her dinner. Our dinner is so nice and we enjoy our ‘we time’ together as it is quite a comfortable dining environment for families.  We feel as if we had a great time after each of us had our activities during the day. It is a great evening, reminds us back to the time when we were at our old house at USJ1 and the time being together during there were only three of us.

Letter to My Spouse

There was a final project that every student required to complete during Week 13 while I was taken my Institute class of REL200 The Eternal Family - The Project: Understanding Sacred Duties few semesters ago. I can choose either Option A: Building Faith and Providing Encouragement or Option B: Letters to Current or Future Family.

I had chosen Option B. I required to write two letters: one to my future or current spouse, and one to my future or current children. In the letter to my spouse, I need to list five or more promises that will help me love and support my spouse as an equal partner. I have to ensure that my promises focus on the divinely appointed role of my spouses as mentioned in the sixth and seventh paragraphs of the family proclamation. After each of these promises write why I think this promise is so important.

It was quite an emotional roller coaster while I worked on this assignment. My term with Alvin was not good at all. I feel as it was awkward and not comfortable at all, but after pondered and prayed much, I had written the following letter.

Dear Alvin (Husband), 

I promise to have faith. It is the first principle of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is not only faith in God and His beloved Son, not only in the living prophets, but faith must be the first principle of our marriage – to have a sincere and ever-growing faith in you and also in our children. We attend sacrament and other meetings every week, hold family home evenings, pray, and study the scriptures together. Our faith will grow as we keep the commandments, and so will the harmony and joy in marriage.

I promise to respect and support you by your side by focusing first on home, helping and sharing responsibilities, and making our homes a safe place where everyone in the family feels love and a sense of belonging. It is because every family member is different with our unique gifts, abilities, and differences. Teach our children by being examples in keeping our covenant and the Lord’s commandments.

I promise to read the scriptures with you more often as a couple. It is because the best place to go for insight into marriage is to the Lord – through prayer and the scriptures. Searching the scriptures to find counsel is a way to strengthen our marriage.

I promise to “reason together” with you as we hold the family councils, which means no arguing, haranguing, or backbiting but instead reasoning with soft-spoken voices. After “reason together” and being guided by the spirit, we decide to move confidently and harmonize with the Lord. It is because I know that I should stand equally yoked together, just as we are meant to share equally in every blessing that the Lord endowed to our family when we made our temple covenant in His presence. I know that we can achieve the eternal objective of becoming one before God.

I promise to pray for the love which allows me to see the goodness in you. Pray for the love that sees weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your joy mine. Pray for the love to want to bear your burdens and soften your sorrows. It is because I know I am imperfect. All these unseen differences accumulated day after day may add to a possible future breakdown in our marital relationship. I promise to pray with you and include our Heavenly Father in our marriage. I know that He will help bring us even closer every day.

Love,

Your Dear Wife

Worlds without End by J. Kirk Richards. Image via jkirkrichards.wpcomstaging.com

I feel as if it is impossible for both of us to reach there, but I know that I should and shall trust in Him that He knows what the best for me and my family. I love the Lord with all my Heart, Mind and Soul. I could not imagine my life without Him - to calm my fears, gives me peace and comfort. I know I am in His good hands. My Redeemer lives.

A Nostalgia Saturday

Annabelle started to take her IGCSE exam this year. She will take her first 2 subjects, Chinese as a Second Language and O Level English.

Today she is going to take her Chinese Oral exam at Sri Emas International School at 1.30 pm, and she needs to be there at noon.

Issac initially wanted to attend the Institute and he left home early thinking of using LRT to go to church at PJ. He called us while we were on our way out from home for our breakfast at Hoong Foong Dim Sum at USJ 21.

Then I told Issac to use the LRT back to USJ21 station to meet us at Hoong Foong Dim Sum. The timing was just right and we had a scrumpalicious and fulfilling breakfast!

After which we dropped Annabelle at Sri Emas, Issac and I headed to Citta Mall to chill at the Starbucks while waiting for her oral session to end. I was writing my journal on what happened over the past 2 weeks. We got a great deal at Starbucks where we got 2 drinks at only RM25.00++!

Both of us almost forgot that Issac needs to go to Jane Yap Atelier to take his artwork photo, while I need to reload and top-up my Touch n Go card at Citta Mall! We managed to get it done before we fetched Annabelle.

We fetched Annabelle at about 2.00 pm and we headed to IOI Mall Puchong to get some books for both at the Popular Book Store. I was gazing at the bookshelf and something caught my eye. It is an interactive journal which I think is interesting. I just told Issac that I am kind of lost after got to know his dad’s thing. I need something to focus back as I have sort of lost my direction in life.

Issac shared with me that he experienced the same as when he got to know about Alvin. He is now trying to do what he can to the Lord’s will – to help others and be Christlike. I was sharing with him that, apart from that he must be taking care of himself first before he could help others. I know what is my final destination in life, but it seems as if I need to take a step back and reassess my priorities, to reconnect with what I truly want in my life. Of course, I have a job or just started my career after hibernating for so long to take care of the children. Then three of us managed to buy the books we wanted, and we were happy about that.

We decided to have our dinner at the mall before we headed back home. This was our dinner at the Noodle King House. A restaurant specializing in noodles, especially in its Signature Fried Fish Head Noodles with its superior soup base.

While we were heading home, Issac said that today it seemed nostalgic to him, as he remembered days when the three of us used to go out together during weekends. My heart was broken when I heard that. Yes, these were the feelings where we used to have every weekend during they were much younger – three of us had each other to rely on and depend on…

Church Membership

This afternoon we received a WhatsApp message in our family group chat. It is a message from him.

Dear Koko and Mei Mei, I have things to tell u all.  This Thursday church will have a membership interview with me at 830pm.  Daddy admits I am not a person who follows thy commandments I may choose to release as a church member and retrieve my temple recommend.  Let me find out where am I and what to choose ya.  The following advice like to highlight for the coming event:

1) Koko end May 24 we will still be in Bangkok temple but I won’t be witness you in the temple ya cause I cannot enter.   But no matter how I will be with u all in Bangkok.

2) Koko you are a Melchizedek priesthood already, and a well grown up gentleman.  Daddy is proud of you and Mei Mei for self-learning and being so obedient children.

3) This is always my family which I will be taking care of ya.

Don’t worry about me.  I have very strong faith in the Father in Heaven, he still and the Holy Ghost always guide me on every path I go.  I still pray and listen to thy message.

I love you all ya.❤️

I can feel my heart aching when I read his message. I feel disappointed and sad as he is considering to give up his church membership. I have treasured my church membership so much that it is the most precious account that I could have in the world. I do not understand why he can treat it so lightly. I feel pain and broken again. It is the feeling that I felt once a long time ago, now after 12 years I feel it again.

I try my best not to judge but why does he still think that the Holy Ghost is with him? “the Spirit of the Lord doth not dwell in unholy temples” (Helaman 4:24). Even though we have received the gift of the Holy Ghost, the Spirit will dwell with us only when we keep the commandments. He will withdraw if we offend Him by profanity, uncleanliness, disobedience, rebellion, or other sins. This is not the path that Heavenly Father asked him to walk. Instead, Alvin using his agency to choose his own path now.

I hope my instinct is wrong. I feel as if he is considering or maybe wanting to convert the woman to Christian as she is an Indonesian Muslim. Or either he would consider to change religion? I do not know, but I do know that since long ago, whenever he fell in love with someone, he would be madly madly in love and would do things like this. I am not sure but this is not the first time he being through this. It happened before during our divorce. I feel heartache or rather heartbreak again…

My heartbreak is merciless grief that comes in waves, depriving me of both appetite and sleep. It is a shard that never goes away from my stomach, though maybe the edges will get softer with time. In quiet moments, it short circuits my head and chokes my breath, feeling as real as death and bereavement. What was once whole is shattered; where once was peace is emptiness, echoes of love I put my everything into.

Those feelings appeared again… I feel as if Alvin and I are not made for each other because this is the second chance we have and still we end up like this. Both of us could not compliment or complete each other, instead, we became the worst version of ourselves which is not the best couple and friends for each other. End up he could not keep or uphold his covenants and become better.

I told Annabelle and Issac that I must be madly in love with their dad during the premortal life, that I must keep on begging and convincing Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ that Alvin and I must be together when we come to earth. That is the reason why we are here we are now. Both their dad and mummy got so many opportunities to fix and repair but still in vain.

My heart was overflowing with gratefulness for the gospel and the abundance of spiritual gifts that had arrived to support, guide, and assist me, especially my two little angels who lift me every time. I know that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me and my family, and I know my Redeemer lives!

Guiding Light by Annie Henrie Nader. Image via AltusFineArt.com

Lead kindly light, amid th’encircling gloom. Lead thou me on! The night is dark, and I am far from home; Lead thou me on! Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see The distant scene – one step enough for me. ~ Lead, Kindly Light; Hymn 97

You are a Daughter of God

My mind was cluttered with all sorts of conversations, reactions, responses, facial expressions, tonalities, and how I felt yesterday when I woke up in the morning. Today is a Monday, and yes, I need to focus my mind and thoughts on what I am supposed to on my work and children.

I noticed there was a WhatsApp message on my handphone early in the morning, but I was too busy to open and look at it. After almost came to an end of a day work, I checked all the messages and realized that this morning message was by a sister in the Church.

I was so touched and my eyes filled with tears when I read her beautiful message. I just feel as the message was from the Lord delivered specifically just for me:

Hi dear! Am thinking about you and feeling sorry for the things you are going through now. I know it hurts a lot because of your deep love towards your hubby. I learn through the years is not having to beg to be loved . It has to be given freely and through the heart.

I know you have been living up to your covenant path diligently and righteously but sometimes things happened in our life because Heavenly Father see things we do not and He has better plan for us.

We just need to trust Him and continue living in faith knowing blessing will come eventually for those who stay steadfast and immovable despite the challengers we are going through.

Enduring to the end is a hard process but it is glorious in the end.

You are a great example to your kids and they will cherished you for all that you have gone through for them to stay in the covenant path.

Believe me when I say it is hard now for you but it will be better has you listen to the still small voice guiding you in the things you should do.

You deserve to be happy so don't give in the Satan for trying so hard to break you down.

Remember who you are - YOU ARE A DAUGHTER of GOD and you are loved, cherished, and watched over by your FATHER in HEAVEN.

We love you too.

Light Bearers by Annie Henrie Nader. Image via AltusFineArt.com

That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light growth brighter and brighter until the perfect day. ~ Doctrine & Covenants 50:24

I am pondering about what I have been through in my marriage for the past almost 10 years - before I know the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ and ever since became the member of the Church after our second R.O.M. What were the things that I missed out on this second marriage and causes this happened today, again?

It is hurtful to think back to the past,open up the wound, dig it deep and re-look for the second time again. There indeed must be something I had missed out and not sensitive enough to listen to the prompting of the Holy Ghost, that I had missed my opportunities to fix and repair our relationship.

A second thought, I feel as enough is enough, may be it is time that we should end here after so many years of infidelity and he has no more feelings towards me. It is time to move forward… May be the message was in just-in-time.

VIVIAN HSU《不愛自己現在的樣子 Letting Go》

VIVIAN HSU《不愛自己現在的樣子 Letting Go》

 

///Song Credit

演唱 Performer｜徐若瑄 Vivian Hsu

詞 Lyricist｜徐若瑄 Vivian Hsu

曲 Composer｜江承柏 Ray Jiang

製作人Producer｜陳建瑋 Jacky Chen

編曲 Arrangement｜張晁毓 Dato Cha

 

聽著一首歌

把心事留在這裡

懂我的人能不能是你

好無力 好可惜 好擁擠

 

好多不快樂 都變得身不由己

淡淡的表情 也都得用盡力氣

我知道相愛也不容易

揮不去 回不去 會嘆息

讓我開始否定自己的人 是你

 

一直說愛我的人

一次次傷得我更深

一道道留下的疤痕

你怎麼忘了有多疼

我真的不愛自己 現在的樣子

用沈默說話的人

 

一點點累積 那些瑣碎的事情

碎得我們都無能為力

安靜了 願意了 相信了

愛到最後是等誰開口說 不愛了

 

一直說愛我的人

一次次傷得我更深

一道道留下的疤痕

你怎麼 忘了有多疼

我真的不愛自己 現在的樣子

假裝堅定 努力拼湊幸福的樣子

 

Oh~

忘了有多疼

我是我 你還是你 都做回自己

不必微笑 努力拼湊 我們的樣子

 

一直說愛我的人

一次次傷得我更深

一道道留下的疤痕

你怎麼忘了有多疼

時間不等人 愛 它無所不能

我們的明天 各自 好好的

 

              ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***     ***

 

我真的不愛自己

現在的樣子

假裝堅定

努力拼湊幸福的樣子