A Lies…

It is a lies again, which ever he told me on the other night, that he had told the girl the truth, and the girl had decided to put it a stop on their relationship at the night he told me. He had told her the truth, but not the whole truth.

I saw his email to the girl, a tabulation of the alimony and the child support table that we had worked out during for all these 2 months. He just altered and back dated to the year 2009.

I actually felt a bit strange already when I saw the email. I was thinking, what is the reason being why he did that? Unless, he is going to start a new life with the girl.

It is so true that, after that, I called the friend. The friend told me that, he is still together with the girl, and the girl never split with him. So, what he had told her is another version of story I guessed.

Gosh! How many times he is going to hurt me? Again and again?

Confession…

Last night, it was around 10:30pm that Issac asked me to call him, because he wanted to talk to his Daddy. I called him, he picked up the call, but in a very stunned tonality. He just told me, “Can I call you back tomorrow?”. Then, he just put down the phone. I sensed there is something was not right on that, because his tonality was so different. The background shown that he was at outdoor.

I felt not so good. I called again. He picked up. “The children want to talk to you.” “OK. Then you passed the phone to them” I just passed the phone to Issac, then after that was Annabelle’s turn. The children passed back the phone to me. “How are you? Is there anything wrong? Because you sound so different compared to evening when I talked to you just now. Are you sure that you are OK?” He just kept quite. “You just don’t get too pressure on your work ya,”

Around 11:00pm, friend told me that probably he was at the LCCT airport, because his girl friend was arriving today, a business trip coming back from Kota Kinabalu.

Around midnight 12:00am, he called again. He sounds like driving back. He started to cry and tell me…our divorce actually did not involve 3rd party, he had been thinking of and about that since last year December, but it is the day that he baptized, he had found someone that he think is his true love, because he had found someone that think alike, dress alike, eat alike, and so many things in alike the same way… When I told him I knew about that, he was so anxious to know where and how I got to know. I just tell him, I know it from his Facebook page, because there is a small little statement he wrote on her wall.

“I knew that already, after the day you emailed to me about the divorce. Just I think I do not want to tell anyone, because during the first time affair, I admitted I did wrong by telling it to my relatives, but this time I do not want to do the same mistake again. I also do not want to confront you, because what can I do? It will make you and her more suffer only, because you and her are so in love, and when I know the way you in love and put all your efforts into it. What I want and can do is just sign the paper and let you go.”

“I did tell you on the other day, your biggest burden or pressure is me only, if our divorce thing had been settled, then it will take away your biggest pressure and burden already.”

Then, he told me, he told the girl friend the truth, and she cannot accept it as she think that he is trying to cheat her and he is like other man, just want to play and flirting around only.

“You know what? All these while, the past 1 month, I had been suffered and crying almost every night, even I am not a Christian, but I am asking God, why and how could you just deleted 3 of us into your life recycle bin just like that, and you can just re-start a brand new life? But now, He had shown to me that He did change you today, because you tell me the truth, at least it is good that you have a religion beliefs and choose to go back to Him.”

I asked him, I do not understand why he tell her the truth, because I thought you will continue being like that after our divorce, then will be smoothly get together with her already. He told me, that is because he loves her so much, and he does not want to cheat her anymore. “Why are you so, I do not what to say…but this might not be the end, because God sure will listen and hear your prayers. You and her might be together again, who knows?”

He said, here with you definitely divorce already, but with her he think is definitely no more, because he knows her characters. End of the tele-conversation, he just told me that, he feels so sorry to me and both Annabelle and Issac, of being like this. He asked me to be truthful to him, if there is anything, just do not hide or shy away from him. He told, he will be sleeping at Ah Heng’s place for these few days.

It was almost 1:00am when I put down the phone. I called the friend. Friend told me no, but he asked me to listen only what he had said, just don’t trust him.

I do not know, I feel a bit relief yesterday, probably because I do not need to hide anything from him anymore.

                                    *****                    *****                  *****

This morning, Jessie told me the same too, as what I had told the lawyer, the lawyer must be told him already, that is why he is now just sweet talk to me, because of the divorce paper.

Jessie just asked me, “Ipeng, there is no love from him to you already. Just forget him, and concentrate all your efforts on yourself and your kids. Protect your rights.”

I feel so confused. Is that a trick again? All those he told me is lies again? He is asking us to be truthful but he never do that when talks to me?

When I came back home, I saw his car and he locked the door and wanted to go off. I called him, he stopped and waved at me. I walked towards him, he looked tired and I can feel that, he does not want to look at me into my eyes. There is something not right about that.

Together we fetched Issac, had our dinner at Bliss 33 Bistro. During the dinner, he did not talk much, and ate not much, his eyes was so swollen. Is is because he cried yesterday? After the meals, we go and fetch Annabelle. When he sent us back, he does not even want to look at me, and that face again.

I checked his email again, and it seems like he had enrolled a legal advisor website. The time is this morning only. I just asked friend to keep me in a loop, is it what he had told me last night is the truth?

Xian Leng Aquarium Shah Alam 22 Apr 2012

After the swim and ice-creams, 3 of us just walking further down the road as we wanted to have a look in the Aquarium.

Before we parked our car at the Shah Alam Wet World, we noticed that there is a huge like aquarium just situated next to the Shah Alam Wet World.

I talked to both Issac and Annabelle that we would be drop by and check it out later after our swimming session.

It is really a huge space that it occupied just beside the Shah Alam Wet World and Shah Alam Lake Garden.

I was surprised that it is actually owned by the Xian Leng.

Xian Leng is a company which produce Asian Arowana and it is listed in the Bursa Malaysia.

We were so excited when we found out that there are so many aquariums inside this area.

And there are varieties of fish which we never seen before.

It really can compare with the Aquarium in the Zoo Negara, with coding and species of fish being displayed just beside each Aquarium!

There were a lot of people too. Both of them were enjoying themselves in watching so many types of fish.

We sat down and rest for awhile after coming out from the Aquarium, then we went back home. We went back home around 2.30pm. Both were so tire after our outing today, and were slept in the car.

Sometimes, we need to seek for happiness in the simple things…

Shah Alam Wet World Water Park 22 Apr 2012

This is the first time 3 of us come here.

Ever since that the thing happened between me and their Daddy, I had trying my very best to look for activities for the kids.

So that they would not feel a sudden change in the Sunday activities, that most of the time we used to have our family outing together.

But deep down in my heart, I knew that it would not change how they miss their Daddy dearly and deeply and the hurts which scared in their small little tiny heart and soul.

Well, I still need to cheer them up and gave them a happy and positive environment to grow up.

I bought this entry ticket from online Groupon.

I was searching for some cheaper or discounts coupons and this Shah Alam Wet World Park caught my eyes. I guess the children would love this as they like to play water.

We woke up early, I packed both Issac and Annabelle’s clothing and some towels.

I drove there with some help of the signage along the way, and we were so happy that we reached there early.

At 10.00am sharp, we went in to the water park.

Immediately we can see the gift shop is right at our left side, and we are looking to the Kiddy Typhoon Lagoon. It was so cute the design of the wading pool for the smaller kids.

We quickly find a locker that able to put in our things, and keep our slippers.

I accompanied both Issac and Annabelle started playing in the water.

We unable to play the ride such as Caribbean River, Thunder River, Super Hurricane. It is because I cannot handle 2 kids at the same time, and each ride is 1 child accompanied by 1 adult.

We were playing at the Bermuda Triangle which is a kids pool and with a lot of other kids there.

The pool actually connected to the Whirlwind Escape through a small stone overhead bridge, and make it so interesting and mystery for the kids as it has a secret water passage.

Both Issac and Annabelle were so excited about it!

Then, we are playing at the Pirate Cove and Pirate Challenge, the last was the Island of Treasures.

The whole water park is like a Caribbean theme set up.

After a while, the kids felt hungry, I bought some nuggets, fried meehoon, fried rice, and fried chicken as well with cold drinks.

We sat at the bench surround the Kiddy Typhoon Pool area, and enjoyed our meals.

The kids played again and we took shower and changed to our clothing after that.

It was almost 1.15pm. Bought some ice-cream for both of them. As it was really a hot day but can considered superb day for a swim in water park.

We came out from the water park around 2.00pm. I took a photo in front of the entrance for Issac and Annabelle.

They felt happy and I am glad as at least today is a good outing for them…

Guilt?

Surprisingly tonight he came back, while I was writing this blog. The time is around 9:30pm. The children were watching the Cartoon Network channel. He looked tired. I thought today he would not come back, as tonight is Friday night. It had been so many Friday nights that he never comes home already. This afternoon, he came back home and took his car and a luggage bag already. Next week, he will be

He took his bath and said want to sleep early, and he said he wanted to sleep inside the bedroom. He slept in the Queen size bed. After watching the cartoon, I asked the children to sleep as Issac tomorrow have to go to school for the holiday replacement day.

He whispered and asked me, can he hugged me and sleep. I just replied, “Can I do not want? I have to make myself used to it, sooner or later.” He even slept more closer to me…

“Today, I got meeting. Azizi had resigned from SAFF Builders but Brother Andrew promoted promoted the whole of SAFF Builders to higher position,” He said in subtle way. He is quite upset as Brother Andrew did  not promote him instead he promoted those of them are not qualified as he is. He told that, actually Brother Andrew would like to have a dinner with him tonight, but he declined.

I said, “probably Brother Andrew wanted to tell him the reason why he is doing that, probably I do not know how to talk, but there is nothing that you cannot discuss or talk to your brother, because you are brothers.”

“I know, working with him is not easy especially his way of working, but just do not pressure yourself too much, and it is a job. Just make it thru, then that is another project profile for you already.”

He holding my hand, hugged me, his face was closer to my face and hugged me.

“If in future, you have find someone you love and even you will have the family with kids. The first thing I might think off, for sure it would not be fair for these 2 kids. But, eventually, when you have another family, please do not give up if facing difficulties, because you will feel sorry if you do that, like you are letting us go now.”

He said, “If I had found someone, I will let you know ya,”

“No need,” I said in lower tone. “But I got a feeling like you are actually found one already.”

“You will change, I know because you have believe in God.” I sat up in the bed. “I must change too for betterment…I feel sucks…”

He just pated on my back.

When I laid down, he slept more closer to me. He hugged me…kissed me…I tried to push him away…but he is too strong…He touched me at my nipple…my arms…and want to make love with me…I just keep on struggling…He just make love with me…I can feel his lips on my lips, on my nipples, on my face, all over me…at one moment, I felt so relaxed and felt beloved by him…I know it was not long and true feelings from him. I really miss that, how we making love once and long time ago.

I sat up and said, “Why are you doing that? We are going to sign the papers already. You will make me feel awful only, as for the past 1 month, I feel suffer already.” I looked at him. He looked so guilty? I do not know.

My love for him, I do not know…may be times will tell…

「心小了，所有的小事就大了；
心大了，所有的大事都小了；
看淡世事滄桑，内心安然無恙。」

The Day He Came Back from China…

Today 19th April 2012, Thursday is the day he came back from China. I called him around 5:00pm, just to confirm the appointment to go to his lawyer’s office, as I would like to postpone the appointment to the afternoon, need to go meet the Building Manager at Horizon I.

He picked up the phone and quickly replied me that he was just arrived and the flight had been delayed. He said tomorrow he got 2 meetings in the morning and in the afternoon, and he has not called the lawyer and fix the appointment yet. He will call to confirm.

I think there must be his girl friend fetched him from LCCT and do not know go where. Surely, I do not think he went back to site. He did not come back home.

I do not know why, but it seems like this week I am a bit suffered than last week, and I cannot help myself but thinking back the past. Why? Especially, when I want to fetch Issac from school time, I just can’t help myself, my nose will be red, and my tears will keep on rolling down from my eyes. In fact, this week I am really tired… Why I still care?

看穿但不說穿。

很多事情，

自己心裡有數就好了，

不一定得說出來。

Three of Us…

Actually, yesterday was ‘considered a good day’ for me. I think and hope by the incidents happened between me and Issac, the ties between us can become a bit closer.

Issac actually had forgotten to bring back his water tumbler the day before, thus I got him to take another purple colour water tumbler spare one as I am using it to store the cold water in the fridge. Yesterday, he managed to find his own blue one, then he had threw the purple one in the school.

I told him, “Issac, please do not simply throw things such as the water tumbler, you have to ask Mummy first, because the water tumbler need money to buy,” Probably, at that point of time, I had been spoken too much, I had made him not happy and felt angry to me.

I was so angry, then I just drove home, and asked him to take a bath first, before we went to Teacher Yu Win’s class. He was crying all the way, crying heart out loud, and kept on calling his Daddy…

I took him out from the bathroom and covered with the towel. Changing his clothing, and asked him lay on the sofa.

I talked to him, “Issac, you are very scared and angry Mummy, is it?” He just nodded his head.

“Why? Is it because you scared Mummy will beat you, when your water tumbler get missing?” He nodded his head again.

“Issac, you know these few weeks, Mummy is a bit sad and not happy, is it?” He nodded his head and looked at me.

“I know you are sad in here, because Daddy seldom come back, is it?” I touched his chest and asked him. He nodded again.

“Mummy is feeling sad too, that is why sometimes Mummy feeling no good. But, Mummy is always here for you, if you want to talk to me or want to cry, ok? Now, most of the time, three of us, Issac, Annabelle and Mummy, we have to take care of ourselves, we have to learn for each other,ok?”

He looked at me, and said, “ Sorry, Mummy” and hugged me. Both of us hugged together and cried.

I feel so sorry for my son, he has to go thru this at his young age like this. I really wish and pray for our better future ahead, three of us…