December 8, 2024
Bangkok Thailand Temple Trip
Dear Elder Yu,
I know it is a little bit late as I only can sit down and write about my feelings or the things I went through about the temple trip.
Honestly, I think I am not prepared myself enough to enter the House of the Lord. I was keeping myself busy with work, school, home, and not all the important things that I should be preparing myself for going in.
I told your Daddy after you texted me in irregular hours because not a P-Day. His response was, “Is this trip funded by the Church or do you pay for yourself?” I told him that I paid for myself and the air tickets were around RM700.00++. I felt as if he had started calculating what is his gained and lost from me. He even asked me the same questions when fetched me at the airport on the day I returned.
I guess the timing is just nice as on the 28th of November morning, we went to Mecaje earlier had breakfast with Annabelle, and drove back home to wait for Uncle Felix’s Grab car. On the way to KLIA 1, Uncle Felix shared that he is glad and happy to see both you and Annabelle growing in the church and he sees how both transform into a fine young man and a young woman, especially Annabelle! Haha!
He remembered Annabelle used to be so grumpy and hot-tempered, now she becomes an example to her fellow young women in her class! Uncle Felix said he was enjoying your class while you were still here teaching the Sunday School. Both Auntie Joyce and he are very proud of both of you.
There was joy, and comfort in me. I felt as Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ were there with me and reassured me that I was and I am doing the right in keep on bringing both of you to the Church despite what happened in my marriage all these years.
It indeed felt like home when I stepped into the temple. The prayers I offered the night before were to plead to the Lord to give me all the strength, courage, and wisdom I need to conclude and move forward from my dying marriage. The other so-called homework I did was reading about your first endowment experience email again and again. Haha! I know that it is funny and crazy but I want to feel that long lost feeling again. Your testimony about the temple covenant is humongous! (=v=)
When I changed into the temple clothing and walked into the waiting room, a temple worker asked if I would like to do the proxy initiatory ordinances while I was waiting for the endowment session. I just nodded my head. When I sat on the round cushion stool, I was overwhelmed and my tears filled my eyes. I was so touched when hearing the initiatory prayers or blessings – the washing and anointing that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ would want us to have. My tears could not stop. I am glad that this trip I was able to do for my great grandmother which on my mother's side.
I have to relearn everything as I have forgotten so much about all the covenants, signs, tokens, marks, etc that I covenanted with the Lord in His House. I relearn about the Creation, the Garden of Eden, the Telestial World, the Terrestrial World, and the Veil.
I love how Eve exercised her agency to invite Adam and explain or counsel him after she had eaten the fruits of the knowledge of good and evil, she still remembered the Lord’s commandments for them to replenish this earth with their posterity.
I wish I was as wise as Eve when dealing with my husband before, but I am not a wise woman, and there is no medicine of regrets and the things that happened could not re-take in our lives.
Well, the most unforgettable moment for me was when I stepped into the Celestial Room, I bowed my head, prayed, and asked what the Lord would want me to do at this moment in my marriage. I heard nothing, and there wasn’t any answer.
I think I should have expected this to happen because He wants me to use my agency to choose for myself. I cried so hard inside the Celestial Room. I was crying like a baby except I wept quietly. Even the temple worker lady came up to me twice and handed me tissues.
I know that there is no more room for me to be in denial anymore about how your Daddy feels about me, there isn’t any love left for me except complaints and blaming. I know that I should not be in denial and have to learn to accept the fact and that is the reason why God did not answer my prayer.
Or actually, as Sister Peggy shared today at the Puchong Branch Conference, “When you feel that God did not answer your prayer, He already did. The feeling you feel inside your heart…” God wants me to learn to accept the outcomes because He loves me so much that He knows what is the best for me, and something awaiting me on my path ahead.
My mind was blank at that moment and my heart pleaded to the Lord to bless me with all the courage, strength, wisdom, and knowledge I need to move on despite I do not know what would happen in front of me.
Honestly, these past weeks some thoughts came into my mind and reminded me how Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ blessed me especially when I exercised my agency to decide to resign and look for a better-paying job last year.
When I had the desire to choose to have a better-paying job to sustain my monthly commitment, the opportunity came through the persons I know who contacted me, and eventually I got a better-paying job. I resigned from Auntie Jessie’s company – Floorphase Projects Sdn Bhd, and joined back my ex-boss’s company – Virtuals Space Sdn Bhd (a.k.a. SUA Interiors). From RM3,500.00 in December 2022 to RM5,500.00 in January 2023 monthly salary.
And, it did not happen once, but twice. I felt stressed out at the company in the Q.S. cum Procurement Manager position, as I feel I am more into project management which can give me more flexibility and not just sitting in the office. And, looking at my age which is growing older, eventually, my current company’s boss – Emily who we knew each other since we were in our twenties called me and asked if there was any project person who could lead her project team. I called her after a few months and asked her if she had found someone for the job. I said I was interested, and you know the rest of the story. I resigned and started as a Project Manager in my current company – Zenith Projects Sdn Bhd in September 2023 with an RM7,000.00 monthly salary and was given a company car for the work.
Of course, the increased salary also comes with more job responsibilities and load, but all these are just like what you said, “I came to see how much desire and eagerness He wants to be with us, that love He wants to be next to us. Like really next to you standing there and wanting to talk to you, asking you how mortality was and if you had fun with life?”
I can feel that the Lord eagerly wants to bless me, the only thing that I need to do is to have a righteous desire and decide what I want, and He will or is always there to support and bless me in whatever I decide. He is waiting there for me to make a decision. It is just like how I can see His hand in my career path.
It is the same I feel the Lord wants me to trust in Him when it is time for me to decide my marriage. I have been ignored too long and I think I have been given multiple opportunities or I missed out on the best timings to patch back the broken vessels. My mind, soul, and strength have been drained out much because of my worries about my husband. He could not become a better man, neither am I to become a better version of myself.
It is time to make a change, change for the better. I know that I need a very big courage to cut this marriage ties because I love him so much. I need to walk out from there. As Elder Jefferey R. Holland taught, “Such dwelling on past lives, including past mistakes, is just not right! It is not the gospel of Jesus Christ… In these cases of marriage and family and wards and apartments and neighborhoods, we can end up destroying so many, many others.” I hope I am not destroying your and Annabelle’s goals or dreams of building your eternal marriage and family.
Well, besides all these things I have gone through during my Bangkok Temple Trip, all is well. I went through 3 endowment sessions and 1 sealing session during this 3 days and 2 nights stay at the temple. I think it is normal to see the temple attendance, sisters are more than the brethren. I never attended a sealing session before except for my sealing with your Daddy, Annabelle, and you while we were in Cebu City Temple.
It was a brand new experience when attending as a proxy to seal for others. It was kind of funny when I was in the sealing room. There were Thai Priesthood holders as the sealers, brethren and sisters from Cambodia, and India, and of course Sister E Chin and me as Malaysians. You imagine that: the sealer sitting in his seat; the Indian priesthood was sitting at his side to help him pronounce the names given, while the Cambodian brethren knelt at the sacred altar to be sealed. It felt funny at first when I heard the names pronounced, but it felt warmth and joy in my heart seeing all of us were doing the Lord’s work here.
On the 29th November, 2024 Sister E Chin brought me to the Platinum Mall which is a fashion wholesale hub in Bangkok, all the clothing there is considered cheap even compared with here. I did buy a few for myself and am thinking of sharing some with Annabelle.
I could see vendors or hawkers selling street foods along the roadsides while strolling the streets. This brought me so many memories of our family vacation trips many years back – Cebu City, Bali, Saigon, Hatyai, Phattalong, etc. I could not describe my feelings at that very moment. It was sadness. I thought this temple trip should be something different, or spiritual but it turned out to be a lot of mixed feelings in it – my past and present feelings and where I go from here. I feel I should stay for more days to settle my tangled emotions.
As I sit in front of the laptop, and proofread whatever I wrote what‘s in my mind, I know that the length of my stay is nothing compared to what I know – God wants to reveal to me. I am still not completely OK, but I am ready to learn to let go and to be healed. I know that I could not do it alone, but “I can do all things through the Atonement of Jesus Christ”
Elder Yu, please do not worry about me and home. You know that we are in God’s good hands. Know that you are loved! A lot and lots from us, and God too!
Love,
Mommy
The Bangkok Temple. It is considered very convenient because we are using MAS Airline where the flight stopped at the Suvarnabhumi Airport. Using the Airport Rail Link Line, it is only 6 stops reached Makkasan Station, and reached the temple only in walking distance.
Brother Juno and Sister Jully were on their first temple endowment session where Juno was escorted by President Lim and Jully was escorted by her mum, Michelle.
We met returned sisters missionaries here because all the returned brothers and sisters missionaries were having a Conference here in Bangkok. I met Elder Teh as well, the second counselor of the Asia Area Presidency. I think he is attending the return missionaries conference here.
Me in front of Christ. I am really fat and look fat! OMG!
Night view in front of the temple. Of course, the picture got edited to lighten the background of the temple.
Met with Sister Poh Peng and Sister Man Ling. Sister Poh Peng said that initially she planned for a solo temple trip, but it turned out to meet so many familiar faces here! Haha!
